From Eden (Twilight)
by nightowlwriting
Summary: as soon as greta starts hanging out with bella swan her never-ending life finally has some spice. and some dogs. and some painful memories dug up for everyone to see. she doesn't regret finding bella in that meadow for one second, but how do you find someone to love when everyone already has a mate?
1. betray the moon

Laurent comes to me when I am reading in the sunlight, deep in the woods, afraid of nothing. He stands over me, greets me like we are old friends. We hug. He smells like a fresh kill and he has blood on the corner of his lips. It smells like iron, but also sweet and tantalizing. Like a barbeque sauce that Mike's left sitting in his lunch bag all day. "I am here to check up on a… Pet I met last year."

"Of course you are."

He runs a finger down my jaw and clicks his tongue. "It has been seventy years and it seems you have still not fed."

"No, not since the last time you have seen me."

"A shame, you were… So powerful."

"I am still powerful. I think you would do well to remember that, Laurent." He looks at me, no words needed, and then he is gone. If I had been human, I wouldn't have heard or seen but I watch as he gives me a smile before I can't see him anymore. I'm sitting down to read again when, on instinct, I put out my feelers. I let them crawl across the earth in the milliseconds it takes me to sit down and then I feel it. Sorrow, pain, excruciating grief. It bends me at the waist and puts me against the ground squirming. Humans are fickle creatures, and usually only vampires feel like this but… There's something wrong. I reach out further, my eyes burning as if I were crying, and I feel something… Worse.

It's coming from Bella.

She, like she has been lately, is somewhere where should not be.

It takes me mere minutes to find her. I can smell Laurent in the clearing, and I can see him hovering on the edge of the trees. When he smiles at me, he's baring his teeth. An invitation. A challenge.

I'm in front of Bella before she can comprehend I've even emerged from the tree line. I grab her and spin, until she is tucked safely behind me. I can smell her, and she makes venom pool under my tongue, but it's her breath and hands clutching my white dress that make me almost lose my sobriety.

"Greta?"

"Bella, stay behind me. Don't move. Try not to breathe. Laurent, stay back!" He steps into the light and we're both reflecting light from our skin. Half of me thinks I should just knock Bella out so she doesn't remember, and the other half of me is screaming at me not to interfere. If Laurent is so sure that Bella is his pet, then who am I to interfere?

"Oh, Thomasin… You used to be such a good girl."

"That's not my name anymore. Stay away from Bella and this town."

"Oh, it is your name. Remember? Do you remember when you didn't interfere with what I did? What Victoria did? Let me have Bella… We can share. Doesn't she smell so… Edible? The Cullens left her here… They don't care."

Bella pushes against me, screaming. "Leave them out of this! They're coming back, and Ed-Edward…. He'll be mad!" The Cullens? Edward? I crouch and hiss as Laurent comes closer, grinning at the woman behind me.

"Oh, yes." He chuckles, cracking his knuckles, "I'm sure he's coming back. That's why young Thomasin… Oh, I'm sorry, Greta doesn't know who they are, isn't it? Bella, I've waited to taste your blood from the moment I saw you in the clearing."

He moves quickly and, because he has fed, he moves faster than me. We collide, bodies slamming against one another and fall to the dead grass, grappling one another. It sounds like a storm, like thunder, and I can hear Bella screaming like lightning in the dark. Her voice is broken, she's howling, and calling my name. She's pleading, grasping at her hair, crying. Laurent, thank the Gods, is focusing on me.

We're neck and neck when another smell blankets Bella's and the faint scent of other vampires in the clearing. My momentary distraction allows Laurent to sink his teeth into my shoulder, but then… The wolves break through the tree line. They're snarling, staring us down, and I can feel Laurent give pause. His teeth are still stuck in my shoulder, venom sealing them in. It's going to hurt like a bitch when I rip them out.

I twist, throwing Laurent through the air toward the wolves over Bella. His head comes off in my hands and I launch it deeper into the woods. Bella scrambles toward me and I wrap her in my arms, throwing her to the ground. As the wolves pound toward us, paws on the ground and tossing up dirt as they go, I cover her body with mine. She's staring at me, panting, and I can feel the fear leaking off of her.

"Don't worry," I whisper, breathing just as hard as she is without the need to, "I'll protect you, Bella. The wolves won't get you, and no vampire will lay a hand on you." Her arms wind around my back and she turns to look above me, toward the sky. I can smell the scent of the wolves - something like forest fire, dead antelope, and rotting wood - envelop me. I can feel it's panting breath on the back of my neck. I can hear the growl building in its throat. "I'll protect you, Bella. You're my friend, and I will not let anything kill you or anyone else in this town."

She doesn't respond, staring up at the wolf. Eventually, it moves on. I can feel it's rumbling vibrations as it lumbers away and I lift my head to watch it go after it's pack. They drag Laurent's body across the clearing and deep into the woods until I can't even see them. Bella says my name again, voice shaking like her hands on my back, and I know I have explaining to do.

I just hope the Volturi won't find out.


	2. i have never known peace

Bella, for all intents and purposes, is taking the vampire thing really well. It's dark in her room, save for the lamp, and she's looking at me like I've hung the moon. It's the first time I've seen Bella truly smile and she's laughing as I explain everything, leaned against her wall. It's the most human thing I've done outside of school.

"You… Are the most receptive human I've ever met." I let myself sit next to her on her bed, and I watch the blood crawl up her cheeks until she's biting her lip and looking away. "Why is that?"

"In the clearing, when Laurent talked about the Cullens? They're… They were a coven that lived here. Like, long-term lived here. They were here before I was and… I was involved with one of them, Edward." She flinches when she says the name, "And then they left. But I know about them, and about vampires. I just- I can't believe that I didn't see it before! It was right in front of my face that you're one, too, but I didn't see it."

"Do you think I wanted anyone to figure it out?" A grin crawls onto my face and we fall back against her pillows, "I put makeup on, even though I'm made to lure humans in. I have hand warmers in my pockets so I can have physical contact. I don't feed so my eyes are black, and not red. I do everything that I can to make sure that I blend in."

It's silent for Bella, but I can hear her father meandering around downstairs. I can hear her heartbeat, the wind outside. I can hear the racoon she's been complaining about digging through the trash. Neither of us speak, until Bella sits up on her elbow and turns to me. "You don't... Feed?"

"No."

"Not on humans?"

"No."

"Animals?"

"I've never thought to try."

"When was the last time you fed?"

"Seventy five years ago."

She looks at me with wide eyes, swirling with emotions. Her heart is racing, and I can feel my mouth filling with venom, waiting for blood, as I'm surrounded by her scent. I swallow it down, and ignore how it makes me feel. "What does it feel like? To not feed for so long."

I pause, trying to figure out how to explain the excruciating pain I'm in every day. There's no way to explain what it feels like to go against every instinct in my body. No way to tell her that I can see myself killing her every single time we're in school together and I have to breathe to seem alive. "It feels like… I'm burning alive from the inside out. Someone's lit a torch in my stomach, and the flames are trying to crawl out through my mouth. Every breath is eternal damnation, and every touch of human skin on mine is hell on earth." I smile at her, but it's sad. She mimics me.

"Edward never told me how much it hurt. He wanted to protect me."

"Perhaps if he wants to protect you, he should tell you. I won't lie to you Bella. I have no reason to now. You, and everyone in that damned school, make me want to kill myself." She's still leaning over me, haloed by the soft light of her lamp, and I can feel content rising in my chest. "Not that I don't choose it, of course. Every single day in Forks is a decision."

"The… The Cullens, they found a different way. You don't have to suffer; at least, not as much." Bella's moving then, quickly, and it would be fast as a flash to someone who wasn't… Well, me. I watch as she crashes into her desk, searching for something, and then moves to her closet. I sit up as she kneels to rifle through her things and a new scent overcomes me. It's sweeter, vampiric, but tainted with something.

And it happened when Bella stepped on a certain floorboard, one that creaks. She pays me no mind as I feel around it, fingernails digging into grooves so miniscule she wouldn't be able to feel them. I pull, gently, with all the force of a human, and the floorboard pops up and off into my hand. It hides a book, a shirt, pictures. I bring the shirt to my nose, inhaling, and I'm met with a myriad of images. All of Bella, through the eyes of someone else. A strange fire erupts in my belly, I'm dizzy, and so much venom pools in my mouth it begins to drip down the sides of my chin.

Bella's attention is drawn when I collapse backward, frantically trying to wipe away the burning liquid. "Greta?" She looks at the objects strewn around me, "What's this stuff, where did you find it?" But I'm still dizzy, and her scent is still swirling around me, and I can't breathe. Not that I need to, but something is sitting on my chest, collapsing my hardened lungs. Bella's scent.

It's intoxicating, and I can feel my body coiling, readying for the attack. "I have to leave," I choke out. Then I am gone, landing on my shoulder halfway across her yard and scrambling, vaguely human-like, into the tree line.


	3. before the wave hits

Bella, as expected, is waiting for me outside her gas-monster of a truck Monday morning. Her hood is up, she's playing with her fingers, and she's doing her best to look casual as I pull into the parking lot. It doesn't work. To anyone else, maybe, but not with me. She doesn't move until I walk up to her, my own hood pulled up, and hands clutching the hand-warmers in my pocket.

"Bella."

"Greta."

"I'm sorry." Earnestly, my eyes meet hers. They're so wide, so young. It's amazing to be so close to a human and watch their mind turn and process. "I'm sorry that I didn't stay to explain. I thought, if I did, that I would hurt you in some way." Bella bites her lip - across the parking lot I can hear Lauren make some snide comment about pale freaks and how Bella attracts them - and then tears well up in Bella's eyes.

"Wow, I'm," She laughs as she wipes along her tear line with her sleeves, "I'm sorry. It's been so long since someone has said that and meant it." Her laugh relaxes me, and I grin. "Edward, and all of the Cullens, really, only say that when they're being self-deprecating."

"I know what I am and I know I can't change it. What's to apologize about? Move on, better yourself, that's what I always say." I shrug, "I've been alive too long to hate myself. There's nothing stopping me from loving me." We begin to walk toward class with Bella thinking far too hard. It's hard for me to get into her head - with anyone else I slip, grab their wrist, and I have unlimited access to whatever they're thinking or feeling, and I can reach back and look later. But with Bella? Her mind is an enigma, and I want to riddle it out.

"That's the most mature thing I've heard a vampire say. How old are you?" I laugh, shaking my head, "What? I want to know the answer."

"Seventeen."

Bella elbows me and I dance out of the way just before we enter our first class of the day, "I want your real age. Carlisle is like, three hundred and ninety-two years old and he doesn't say things like that." I nearly trip over myself. If I had a working heart, it would be thudding in my chest. If I had to breathe it would be quick, staccatos of fear. I swallow and lean over to Bella, trying to be silent.

"Three hundred and eighty-six." Her mouth drops open and I lean back into my space, slouching, trying to seem human. Trying to feel human, again.

"What's three hundred and eighty-six?" Lauren smiles at me, eyes glazing over Bella, "Did I miss something?"

"It's nothing," Bella says, smiling.

"Actually, you did miss something. The math homework due next period." I smile at Lauren, giving her no reason not to believe me. Her eyes widened for a fraction of a moment before she turns and begins to dig in her backpack. Bella elbows me again, but I don't move out of the way. Instead, I grin at her when she curses, drawing the attention of most of the class, and holds her arm. "Bella, are you okay?" I plant a hand on her shoulder, stifling my laughter, "Jeez, you're clumsy."

When she glares at me I supply her with a wink and a flash of my canine teeth. She scoffs and takes her seat. I'm tempted to sit next to her but I know, like most of the school does, that nobody sits next to Bella. I eye the seat behind her - it's usually occupied - but Bella coughs and kicks the chair next to her. Nobody else notices, and I cock an eyebrow at her. She gestures loosely to it and I take the seat. I'm not sure if Bella can hear the whispers, but they're clear to me. People are gossiping already and it's no doubt because I probably look like a budget Cullen. "Well, this is new."

"I'm… Tired of being alone, I think." Bella's mouth barely moves as class begins, "You're the only one who doesn't judge me because of them."

"The self-isolation probably didn't help, either, Bella." I smirk at her, pretending to be interested in whatever lesson is up on the board, "I'm sure that suddenly interacting with me isn't helping your case, either." Bella laughs and I look at her. There's no sun out in Forks today, but I can imagine the halo effect it would have on her profile. Her smile lights up her face, and she bites her lower lip. It's easy to understand how that Cullen kid fell in love with her.


	4. idealism sits in prison

I hear my phone ringing from my backyard, snagging it just before it goes to voicemail. "Hello?"

"Greta? It's Bella."

"Hey, Bella. What's up?" I busy myself with dusting my house while she titters over the phone, skirting around what she wants to ask me. To a human it would be clean, but I can see the way dust settles lightly over everything and it makes me grumpy.

"Do you want to come over tonight? Girls night? Charlie's on my back about not going out and to appease him I said I would have a friend over. I really don't want to invite Angela, Lauren, or Jessica. Hey- don't make fun of me."

"Lauren- I can understand that. But what's wrong with Angela or Jessica?"

"I want to ask you questions if you're catching my drift."

She laughs awkwardly and I can almost picture her biting her lip and twisting hair between her fingers. Bella, for as little as I've known her and observed her, is wildly predictable. "Okay," I agree, huffing like I have anything better to do all night, "Yeah, I'll be over around six?"

"Sounds great! Hey, before you go?"

"Hm?"

"Please try to at least act human. Bring a change of clothes. Come in through the front door. Try to act like you're bad at math, or something."

"Gotcha, Bella. Act human, be bad at math. Sure can do." I give finger-guns to nobody in particular, before heading upstairs. I like to walk at a human pace, taking the stairs slowly instead of launching myself up them. It gives me time to think - not that I need the extra time to think - and it's relaxing. "Three hundred years old and I think I need time to relax. Some things never change, Thomasin."

* * *

Bella answers the door looking flushed and smelling like strawberries and cream. "Greta! Hey, come in!" I wink, stepping dramatically over the threshold. "Dad, Greta's here!" She clasps her hand around my wrist and drags me through the house. I let her, stumbling for effect, and laughed when she slams the door before Charlie can say anything. She grins up at me and claps her hands. "Okay, so I want to ask you some questions. I have a lot of questions and Ed- Cullen didn't exactly answer them before he left. I didn't really feel comfortable enough to ask the family, anyway. Can you answer some questions?"

"What's the point of being three hundred years old if I don't answer some questions?" I toss my backpack down on the bed, settling on her desk. Bella putzes around for a few minutes, gathering a notebook and scraps of paper from around her room.

"Between you and Jake I haven't felt this good in a long time, but he's not even talking to me anymore. I'm even thinking about going out with Jessica and Angelea soon. Anyway, if Jake were talking to me, I would say that you should meet him at some point. I think you guys would get along. But he's, you know, avoiding me." Bella settles down on her bed, looking excited and ready for action after a brief moment of pain and an arm wrapped around her chest. She pushes some of her hair behind her ear, ducking her head.

"Anyway, the questions!" She flips through the notebook, scanning pages and mumbling under her breath. Bella's a mess of papers and flushed face before she settles back into the pillow with a pen and her myriad of papers. "What does it feel like?"

"You're being too general, Bella. What does what feel like?"

"Turning."

If I needed air it would be punched out of me. Why would Bella be asking about that? I had never been around a human who knew before Bella. Of course she'd want to be turned, of course she'd be turned on by the thought of immortal life and irreversible beauty. "What does it feel like, huh? It's a lot like being around blood. It's a river of fire in your veins, pain from your toes to the back of your eyes. You think you're dying, you hope that you're dying. All you can hope for is that you're going to die before it gets worse, and then it gets worse. You can hear everything. Your heartbeat is louder than ever before and you can hear it as it speeds toward what you hope is death. Then your heart stops and for a second everything is the most pain you can imagine and then multiply it by four or five." I pause to take a deep breath, my eyebrows furrowed as I look away from Bella's horrified face. "Then, well, it's hard to explain. Everything is so clear, and you can't really remember who you were before. It's all muddy, like you were looking through dirty glasses and listening through earplugs. If you work hard enough, after you've just been changed, you can remember everything from before."

"I never… I never thought that it would hurt." Bella chews her lip, scribbling down notes in the margins of her notebook. "I guess that makes sense. It's venom, right?"

"Mhm." I nodded, the pain still as visible and excruciating as the day I was turned. "It is. It's three days but it feels like it's forever. Even now, and it's been… Well, forever." Bella laughs, hard and from her belly, and it lights up her face. I take it in, the soft lines of her face and the hard angles as she laughs. Bella's changed so much since the day in the woods with Laurant - visibly she's filled out more, tanned from her depressed pallor, and her hair has been kept up with more regularly. She even smells better. Emotionally, many people have told me that she's opened up again since she started following me around like a tiny puppy dog. (Or am I following her around, swallowing venom and bloodlust like some horrible killer?)

"This is something I've wanted to ask… The others," She dances around the name, "But how did you… I don't know how to word this."

"Get bitten? Take the hit? I can't keep up with what slang you kids use these days." I grin at her and, even from across the room, I can hear her lose her breath. "Juke joint, smooch, hi-fi, hiptser, dig it, boogie, bodacious, gnarly, trippy, yuppie, phat, my bad, newbie, barney bag, peeps, 'rents. It's all so crazy. I love watching language develop. We never used slang when I was human."

"Right." Bella laughs and looks down at her lap, scribbling some doodle, "But how did it happen?"

"That's a long story, Bella. It's not a good one, either."

"I've heard worse. I'm sure I have. And, well, we are having a sleepover, right? That's what girls do?" The way she tries to be nonchalant is… Cute and pathetic. I sigh and hop down from her desk, toeing off my shoes. (I hate wearing them, but school is school.) I pull on one of my Fork's High hoodies and change into flannel pants before Bella can blink, taking my place under her covers at the same speed.

She gasps, bouncing on the bed, but then laughs and shakes her head. "It's like, a really long story. Remember how Laurant called me Thomasin? I only recently took the name Greta. Well, recently to me. Almost eighty years ago, when I stopped feeding on humans. Before that I was Thomasin. I was born in a Plymouth colony in the New World, where my parents sailed to give themselves and their children a new life."


	5. the earth is trembling

The woodcutting fell to father and Caleb. Mother and I tended to Mercy and Jonas, and their obsession with that blasted goat. The thing gave us no milk, but father kept it because it kept the children nearly as well as I or mother. The natives of the land resided miles west and the colony was too far for food. I ached with hunger more days than not, eyeing the goat with the sins of killing on my mind.

His meat would be delicious. I dreamt about it, and sometimes I thought that was the reason I did not see who took Samuel. Mother changed after that, refusing to look at me. She wanted to send me to serve another family. Caleb and I, resting in a bed with Mercy and Jonas, heard the whole thing. I waited, day by day, for the new father to come pick me up but the day never came.

I watched them approach out of the forest, one morning before the fog disappeared and the sun rose. I was tending to that blasted goat, putting out what little feed we had with a rumbling stomach. They were beautiful, and they looked like silver in the sun. Women, all of them naked, walked slowly toward our homestead. I herded Mercy and Jonas, both howling and afraid for their souls, into the coop for the chickens. "Mother!" I called, turning for the door for our homestead. "Father, Caleb!" My voice shook with emotion and then, suddenly, the women were in front of me. I backed into the coop, holding the door shut with shaking hands. "Mercy, Jonas, get back."

"Oh, Thomasin," One of the women cooed, leaning on the wood of the door. Her voice was like the cream from our cows, smooth. It rang like the bells on our old church. "We've been watching you."

"You use the short words of the devil!" I said, crying already, "Begone, and leave my family alone!"

The door was wretched from my hands and the woman was there, standing naked and covered in blood. Behind her I could see the others standing over Mother and Father, also covered in blood. I gasped, shielding Mercy and Jonas, watching as they ripped Caleb apart. The woman approached and her eyes were as red as the fresh lifeblood on the ground. I cried, pressing my body into my siblings and their bodies into the wood of the coop. "The devil you are, Black Phillip himself in a stolen body. Begone!" I cried shrilly, fat tears dropping down my cheek as Mercy and Jonas screamed behind me.

"Shall I speak like you, little piglet?" The women walked like a wolf toward us, "Wouldst thou like to live deliciously?" She grinned, then, blood coating her teeth, "Oh, I do love to play with my meals. I can give you the taste of butter, I can give you pretty dresses, I can give you all the power of God himself."

"Blaspheme." I was still defending God even though he was not with us, clearly. "Leave us, witch, and seek shelter elsewhere." The woman smiled, tilting her head. Her hair fell over her shoulder, hair as red as the fires that once threatened our old colony. "Witch!"

"Hilda," The woman called over her shoulder, "I know we have just found dear Noela, but I propose taking another into our coven."

"What is so special about this one, Anne?" The other woman moved too fast for my eyes to see, and I whimpered.

"She reminds me of Victoria in the scullery. Sad, lost. She needs saved and we have the power." The women smiled at me and I closed my eyes. They would kill me, and then they would kill Mercy and Jonas. I waited, and I waited. Then there were two women with red hair, Mercy and Jonas were dead, and I was burning. I burned for three days and then I was born anew, naked and covered in my own blood. I thirsted for it, burning down my throat and into my stomach before they presented me with a citizen I knew through hazy memories.


	6. the stench of the sea

Bella doesn't answer her phone for three days the day after my story. Her friend, Jacob, is the reason. I know that he slipped into her window, and then she fled the next morning to the reservation, but she won't look at me. She won't answer my calls. She smells like those wolves in the forest that day: dead animals, rotting wood, food set out in the sun too long.

For the first time in a long time, I'm not sure what's happening. I decide to follow her - going against every bone in my body. I tell myself I'm not lonely, but it doesn't work as well as convincing myself that I'm worried. I'm worried about her, I'm worried about Charlie, I'm worried about the mingling scents of vampire and death that sit heavy around her house. So, one day when it's sunny and I'm requisitioned to the woods, I follow her truck as she heads toward the reservation. I can feel her unease, the way she shifts in her seat, but I know it's not because she senses me following her. She's worried about something else, but I can't get a grip on what it is.

The woods thicken and she pulls up to a quaint house, the wolves scent thicker and deeper than other places I've smelt it. I gag from the tree line, pulling my hood up as I duck behind a tree. She's greeting her friend, Jake, and he's tense but relaxes when she hugs him.

"You're like a spy," I hear him say, feeling the giddy joy and adoration radiating off of him, "You've seen things that we haven't seen. It's great!"

"Yeah, I feel like a traitor, Jacob."

"A concept, Bella: maybe you're better off without Edward."

"I'm not." Bella's voice is steely and my vision swims with the hurt and anger she feels. "Let's get this over with, I'm sure the pack is waiting."

The _pack_? It falls into place quickly - the boys that I see in the house, the wolves from the forest - they're the same. They're werewolves. They're werewolves but it wasn't a full moon when they attacked Laurent. I shake my head, watching as the boy - he's built like a man but if that's _Jake_ he's only sixteen - and Bella argue in low voices. I step back deeper into the woods, mind spinning when someone grabs me and pins me to a tree.

"Thomasin…" Her voice is a low whisper, eyes and hair as red as I remember. Victoria grins at me, something like fondness in her eyes. "It's been so long."

"Victoria?"

"You know better than to interfere with me." She drags her finger down my chin, stopping to put a hand around my neck. "Didn't Laurent tell you? Bella's mine to kill. So sad that the mutts killed Laurent - _oh_. You didn't know?"

I shake my head, grasping her wrist with my hands, "I'm not trying to kill Bella, and you won't either."

"Her mate killed James." The tree cracks as she shoves me harder into the bark, lifting me off of my feet, "He's dead, Thomasin. They killed my James. Don't you have any loyalty? To me? To our _coven_?"

"Our coven has been dead too long to hold any more loyalty to them." James being dead doesn't phase me, but Laurent? Dead at the hands of the wolves in the house behind us? It aches deep in my stomach, but it was bound to happen. Someone was going to kill him someday. I had never talked to Victoria like that before and the split-second of her eyes widening and her head cocking gives me the opportunity I need to shove her off of me. She's always fought quick and dirty and, even after all of these years, she hasn't changed. She tries to down me with a right hook and a leg sweep, but I'm ready. I counter by grabbing her wrist, twisting in the air overhead. It's only a second later, but her feet collide with my chest and I'm flying into the clearing where the house sits.

As soon as I hit the ground Victoria is on me, tugging my calf away from my body and tossing it toward the house. I grab her, wrestling her to the ground, but then the world is spinning. There's growling, a burning pain as my left arm is torn off by a mouth of sharp, tugging teeth. I scream, clawing at the ground to try and get away, but there are wolves everywhere.

Laying on my back I look past the wolf growling at me, dripping spit into my face, to the sky. If I'm going to die, I'm going to die looking at the clouds and feeling the sun on my skin. I'm throbbing with pain, the hurt like electricity in my whole body. My shoulder aches and it connects with my knee where I'm missing my calf, and I remember the last time Victoria and I fought. I ended up worse, then. I can die happy about that. I'm ready for my death when Bella begins screaming.

"Greta!" Her voice is raw, it's broken, and her pain mingling with mine brings me to the brink of darkness, "Please, don't kill her! Jake, Paul, _please_!" I close my eyes, ready, but another wolf growls and I can feel it in my chest. I can feel the power wash over me and the other wolves back down. "Greta, Greta, get _up_!" But I can't. I can't move through the haze of pain in my body and from Bella, the fear from the other humans that I can smell, and the brain-busting anger from the wolves that surround me. "Please!"

A shadow stands over me: a man with dimples and short cropped hair. He extends a hand to me and, with a start, I realize that it's my hand that he's holding out. I take it, working my jaw to spit enough venom onto where the skin is ripped and torn off to reattach it. The skin seals, leaving a jagged scar around my bicep, and the pain fades to a livable level. The man gives me my leg and I do the same thing, pushing myself off the ground and turning toward the house.

The man stays next to me, but my eyes are drawn to a group of shivering humans on the front porch, Bella looking torn and afraid among them. They're guarded by two hulking men, one of them with his hands tight around Bella's biceps. He was holding her back. The wolves have changed back into men, pulling on shorts from the cords around their ankles. Jacob is among one of the closest to me, dark eyes set and glowering. The man leaves my side to join his pack, loyalty clear.

"What's your name?" The tallest man's voice is deep and shakes me to my core with the same power that the wolf growl had. "Why are you on our land?"

"My name is Greta Thomas. I was worried about Bella."

"The nomad called you Thomasin before she left. It's best not to lie to us." I look toward Bella, brows pulled tight, "I'm Sam Uley, alpha of the pack here. We _will_ kill you."

_"Sam, please!"_

"Thomasin was the name I used to go by, but I stopped feeding. I took the name Greta because that's not who I am anymore. I don't kill humans. Look at my eyes, please, I can't lie about this." I drop to my knees, looking up at him. "I'm not here to hurt you. I don't even know what you are."

"You're not a Cullen?"

"No, I'm not. I've never even _met_ a Cullen. I'll leave if that's what you want. I'll leave and I won't look back." Bella, on the porch, makes a horrible and strangled noise, thrashing against the man holding her back. "Just don't hurt Bella."

"She knows things!" Bella breaks away from the group of humans, stumbling across the grass toward Sam and I, "She knew Laurent, the man you killed in the forest? And Victoria knew her name, her birth name. She knows them, Sam, and she's not a part of the treaty. She can help us kill her."

I wait. I wait for the man to turn back into a wolf and rip me apart. Maybe I would time to escape, maybe I would have time to at least make it out of Bella's sightline. But he extends a hand and clenches his jaw, helping me up from the ground. "You're not familiar with the treaty we hold with the Cullens?"

"No."

"They do not cross over onto our land, and we do not cross onto ours. Will you abide by the same treaty if we let you live?"

"Sam, what the _fuck_?" One of the wolves snarls, body shaking like he's about to explode, "We can't let her live. She knows that red-headed bitch, she's probably helping."

"Paul, chill." Sam doesn't look at Paul, "Stand down. I don't think that fight really shows that Greta is aligned with the nomad." I nod, stepping back from Sam when he drops my hand. "Bella, if we need to meet with you, will bring you to us. We will only meet on our land. You will not hunt in Forks, on the reservation, or around Forks. If you agree we will not hunt you like we hunt the nomad. If you're hunting her and come onto our land we will forgive it. But only then. Do you agree?"

"I do."


	7. screaming the name of a foreigner's god

Bella is back to normal after my meeting with the wolves. She takes back to my side like nothing ever happened; the only way that I know I didn't make it up is because I'm a vampire and, every so often, she looks guilty and bites her lip. I'm wary to push her, and she seems wary to push me as well. I have enough sitting in her room, watching her read Shakespeare and shake her leg like something is wrong, leaning back in one of her chairs.

"Bella, do you know how my power works?"

"What?" She looks up from where she's perched behind her laptop, dog-earing her book. "I'm not sure what your power is, Greta."

"It's some conglomeration of empathy and telepathy. But I need contact. Did you know that?" She shakes her head and I let the legs of my chair fall to the ground. "I can't seem to riddle you out. I can feel your emotions, keep tabs on you when you're away - not that I enjoy doing that, it's more of reaching out and finding you if something is wrong - but I can't get into your memories."

"You can see people's memories?" Bella sits forward, eyes wide, trying to decipher what I'm getting at. I pull my hair back off of my neck , twisting it into a bun. "By touching them?"

"I just need a few seconds of skin to skin contact and then I can rifle through their memories at my will. It's overwhelming, only for a second, but I remember everything that flashes in front of me. I can't do that for you. It's frustrating."

"Yeah, you're not the first one to tell me that. Why did you bring this up?"

"Because that means you have to talk to me." Bella blinks owlishly, a blush crawling up her neck and face as her heartbeat quickens. "I don't know how the other vampires did it, but since I can't see your memories or rifle through your head, you have to communicate. Something is bothering you and, if I'm being honest, something is bothering me, as well." I rub a hand down my face, standing and walking toward Bella. "You just dropped off the face of the earth, Bella. Not that I'm saying you can't do that, it's just not healthy for either of us. Unless I'm misreading and we're not really friends. That's awkward then, because according to your father I'm staying the weekend."

"We're friends!" Bella stands, upturning a pencil holder on her desk, "I'm sorry, I'm just not used to someone caring whether or not I ice them out or not. And, well, you didn't seem upset after what happened on the Rez."

"My arm got ripped off, Bella."

She makes a face and looks away, holding her stomach as if the thought makes her sick. "I'm sorry that happened."

"It's not your fault."

"I don't want you to hate me, or the pack." Bella confesses, avoiding my eyes. Her heart is fluttering like a butterfly, and I can practically feel the anxiety weeping off of her and puddling on the floor. "Or Jake, either. It was all a misunderstanding."

"Well, there's nothing that I like more than a conversation. Let's have it." I gesture to her bed, ignoring her quizzical look. "What, you think I just go to high school every time I move? Sometimes things get boring and I decide to go to college. I just so happen to not only have a BA, but my masters, and my PHD in psychology. We're going to have a conversation, really, there's nothing healthier." I join her on the bed, curling in her duvet to put a layer between her scorching skin and my ice-block fingers. "What was the misunderstanding? We should start there." I nod, encouraging for her to continue.

"Jake came to me to tell me that someone was killing hikers. After I figured out what he is, what the pack is, I thought that they were the killers. He told me it was a vampire and, well, the only vampires that I've seen around lately are you and Laurent. One of them is dead. I just assumed it was you…"

"You thought I was sneaking off and killing hikers?" I cock an eyebrow and try to keep the hurt out of my voice, "You saw me everyday, I never had red eyes."

"I guess since I've met you I realized that I don't know everything about vampires like I thought I did. I don't know what I thought." She shakes her head, "But Jake convinced me it was you. He saw us together, that day in the meadow, and knew that we were friends. He said the scent wasn't the same, but that doesn't matter. It could have been you. But then you showed up and everyone was pissed that you were on the land, but they all realized that you don't have red hair like Victoria does."

"I'm not mad at you for assuming it was me, you know." I reach for her hand and Bella bites her lip again. She smiles at me, nodding in the bashful way that makes her look… Painfully cliche and beautiful.

"I'm glad. I was just… I was afraid it was you and I didn't want…"

"You didn't want to lose me, so you reacted in a way that switched it so that I was losing you." I nodded, "I understand it. I wasn't lying when I said that I haven't fed in nearly one hundred years, though. It's hard, but I haven't slipped. Not once."

"I'm proud of you."

"Don't be. I think about killing you every second that I'm with you. And for the three hundred years before that I killed more people than I care to put a number to. I know the 'woe is me' act gets stale quickly, so I'm not asking you to pity me. Just don't be proud of me."

"You are such a hypocrite." Bella laughs, shaking her head. her scent drifts toward me and it's like someone's put a fire poker into my belly. I giggle and fall back into her bed. "I can't believe that I didn't make the connection between you and Victoria."

"It doesn't make you afraid of me, does it? That I was a part of her coven for so long?" I can't imagine what it's like to be Bella: sitting on her bed with a creature that could kill her at any moment and know that the very same creature was coven-mates with another bloodthirsty vampire that hunted her every moment and move. She has nerves of steel for a human. It makes me proud of her, but also very afraid that her bravado will get her killed. "Victoria and I weren't the closest out of the rest of them, but we were close. She was the one who changed me with the help of her sister." Bella releases my hand to play with her fingers.

"Do you want me to be honest?"

"Always."

"I try not to think about it." She laughs, but it's more like a scoff, "I can't imagine you with red eyes and, you know, running with Victoria. She's such a… Wild woman and you're so refined. Like you've been a Puritan for the last three hundred years instead of a nomadic teenager in the United States. You even still have a little accent from your time as human. You and Victoria are so… Different. There's so much that can't compare, but at the same time it makes so much sense that someone like her created someone like you." I giggle, tossing my head back as we get more comfortable on the bed. "What? Right, it's like how the universe works. Good comes from evil. You're good, she's not. Ed-Edward thinks he's damned, that Carlisle damned him, but that's not true. You and the Cullens have taken being this… Thing that requires blood and death to be consumed and turned it around. Good from evil." I look a Bella, really look at her, for just a moment. There's faint sunlight and it turns her hair from brown to red in the light, something that only my eyes could pick up on.

"A Native American elder once described his own inner struggles in this manner: Inside of me there are two dogs. One of the dogs is mean and evil. The other dog is good. The mean dog fights the good dog all the time. When asked which dog wins, he reflected for a moment and replied, The one I feed the most." Bella leans forward, breath washing over my face.

"Who said that?"

"George Bernard Shaw. I like it though. Fits with vampires, I think."

"It fits you, Greta."

The way Bella says my name sends jolts through my body, but I try not to think about that. We go back to talking about Victoria, and I try to pretend like I don't have unlimited memory to remember how the human across from me makes me feel.

* * *

"Jacob was talking to me about phasing yesterday." Bella says at the lunch table, keeping her voice low. "He says it used to be this big, violent thing but now it's just… Pop!" She makes exploding motions with her hands. "It's cool to think about. That like, you guys evolve just like we do."

"Wow, telling me that I'm the same as those dead-animal-smelling dogs? I'm offended." I jokingly put a hand to my chest, pretending to take a drink of water. Bella laughs, eyebrows disappearing into her hair.

"Wow, they say the same thing about you, bleach-and-fermenting-cranberries."

"I'm honored to wear that scent, thank you very much. Are you and Jake still going to go cliff-diving after our meeting next week? Or is he going to blow you off for Victoria again?" Mike, like the unfortunate man that he is, picks that moment to slide into his seat followed by the rest of Bella's human friends.

"Oh, is your boyfriend blowing you off for another woman? I'd never do that to you." He punctuates it with a cheesy wink, making sure that everyone knows he's kidding. I toss one of my uneaten but picked at fries in his direction.

"Please, Mike, we all know that Bella would blow you off for me." The table nearly riots and I wrap my hands around my hand warmers. "Besides, it's not like she and Jake are dating."

"Yeah, he's just a really good friend. Besides, he's like two years younger than us."

"That doesn't mean anything," Lauren jumps in, rolling her eyes, "I dated a senior when I was sixteen."

"He was a creep!" Jessica cuts me off, "We've talked about this, Lauren. Come on, just because some senior wanted into your sophomore pants doesn't mean it was a good thing. God."

"She's got a point. Two years is a lot when you can legally buy smokes and the other person can barely legally drive." I hold my gaze on Lauren a little too long, unnerving the poor girl. "You should probably talk to someone about that senior. Dollars to donuts he's still dating poor little Forks sophomores." I just my lower lip out, shaking my head, "Not a very good feminist of you, Lauren, to continue to let a predator roam about."

"I'm not a feminist." She sticks her nose up, literally, and looks down on me. "Feminists hate men, and that's unfair. You should know that, Gretchen, since you think you that know so much."

"Oh, I know a lot, Laurel." I take a bite out of a baby carrot, making sure that she can see my teeth, "I know that you went to prom with Conner," I wink at the boy, "But you wanted to take Tyler. I know that you only dated Tyler to get over Mike. I know that you hate Bella because you're petty, jealous, and afraid that poor Conner is going to leave you for Bella. I also know that you stole Jessica's lip gloss and blamed Angelea, but won't 'fess up. Try using your fucking eyes and you'll know half of what I know, babygirl." I spit the carrot at her, foreign anger burning in my chest. "Oh, and by the way? Saying that feminists hate men is so 2001. Get with the program or get out of the spotlight." I wink and blow a kiss before leaving the cafe, ducking my head to avoid the sprinking of rain that had started while we were inside.

* * *

To a human it would be cold, rain falling in sheets over the ocean and crawling ever closer. The elders of the tribe are hurrying the meeting, trying to get the humans inside and away from the storm that's coming. Besides, they have other business to attend to, like making sure the volunteers from Forks don't accidentally shoot the pack or get their throats ripped out. Harry Clearwater and Billy Black regard me with dark and dangerous eyes as I stand near the group of humans the pack keeps around. Something about imprints, something I don't understand, but they smell horrendous so it keeps the burning in my throat at bay.

"I'm Kim," One of them turns to me while Billy presides over the pack's full attention, "You're Greta, right? It's nice to meet you." She grins and, well, whichever wolf-boy imprinted on her is lucky. She's beautiful, and seemingly nice. "It's so weird to see a vampire up close."

She looks excited. "You've never seen the Cullens when they were here? Or seen Victoria?"

"No, the Cullens don't come onto the Rez. It's Tribe land, and if they come across the treaty line they'll be ripped to shreds. You're special, it seems."

"Yeah, well, from what I've heard about the Cullens… They're kind of self-righteous vampires. Not to be allnot-all-men but, really, not all vampires are as doom-and-gloom as they appear to be to me."

"Oh!" Kim shifts toward me in surprise, eyebrows disappearing under her bangs, "You don't know them? I thought…" I grin, tucking myself closer as a breeze falls over the group. The simple act makes me seem more human and I can watch the other imprints relax.

"That all vampires know each other?" Kim giggles and then looks back at the group of Elders and the pack. "No, that's not really how it works. It's surprising, but I've never come across the Cullens in my years traveling around." She nods and our conversation is cut short as Billy dismisses everyone, Kim's wolf at her side in less than a second.

"Greta." He nods, jaw tight but a pleasant smile on his face.

"Jared. It's nice to see you again." I give him a closed-lip smile, but it's genuine. Out of the pack, Jared and I get along with the least amount of friction. Well, Embry and Quil are fascinated with me, but in that teenage-boy-sees-a-pretty-girl way. I wonder, vaguely as Jared leads Kim back to the pack house, if I can consider the pack my friends. They allow me on their land, something that they never had to do, and they let me sit in on their Tribe meetings. It makes me uncomfortable how much they're relinquishing to me for the sake of protecting Forks and La Push from Victoria.

I follow the group of people at a human pace, eyes nervously flickering to the tree line. First Beach, where the meetings are held, is an open field and something nags at the back of my head and my instincts. There's something wrong and I realize it only seconds before it happens. Victoria breaks the tree line, her eyes locked onto the alpha and his imprint leading the pack back to the house. She's running so fast that nobody has noticed her hunting; the humans probably can't even see her.

"Sam!" I bellow, taking off milliseconds after I voice my warning. Victoria and I collide mere feet away from Emily, who's quickly being whisked away by the younger members of the pack. She snarls as we kick up sand, our bodies echoing off of the trees like cataclysmic thunder. It reminds me of my fight with Laurent. Her teeth sink into my wrist and I twist my body, gaining the upper hand with a quick knee to the stomach and an elbow to the nose. I hear it crunch under the blow and Victoria screams, loud and guttural.

She slips away from me and turns tail back to the woods, but I'm hot on her trail. I can hear the sound of the pack phasing behind me, but it's too belated. They won't catch up to us, not now. Victoria's leaping off of trees, taking to the air, but I continue to follow her on the ground. She knows that I can't modulate myself well enough or fast enough because I don't have the aerial experience she does. I call her name, taking her one second of instinctual pause to launch myself at her.

We collide again, but she wrestles me to the ground. Her arms encircle my neck and I give up fighting as she giggles in my ear. "Oh, Thomasin, when are you going to learn?"

"I learned a long time ago that you're a wicked bitch when you want to be, Victoria."

"Oh, am I still a witch?" I can hear the pout on her lips as the wolves slide to a stop in front of us. Sam is panting, wolf body heaving, and I know they're deciding whether or not I'm important enough of an ally to give up the chase to save me. I slowly, deliberately, move my eyes back and forth. I'm not, not when Victoria is after Bella and Charlie, Forks and La Push. "You and your mutts won't get me, not before I get to her. I really thought you had some loyalty, Thomasin. I thought that was your gift. When you stayed behind, watched our coven burn," She tightens her arms and my vision tunnels, skin breaking around my neck as she slowly but surely wretches my head from my shoulders, "I thought it was because you had loyalty. But know I know, oh, I'm aware now that you're just a coward."

I sink my teeth into the hand she carelessly lets drift toward my mouth, Victoria howling as I spit her finger in the bushes. She falls to the ground as the wolves chase her farther North, leaping over me. I can't do anything until my venom seals my neck back together, probably leaving a thick and riveted scar. I turn to follow them when something else strikes me, deep in my stomach. It's fear, anxiety, loathing… All mixed together, but with something else. Resignment. Acceptance. Then pain, fresh and hot pain against the back of my head and my own fear mingles with the cocktail I'm feeling… And feeling close.

Something is wrong with Bella and I think it might kill her.

I run the direction the feelings are coming from until I find her scent. I follow it to the edge of a cliff, horrified when her belongings - the sweater she was wearing when I left her house for the meeting, bracelets I've yet to see her without, her bag - are piled up like they mean nothing next to the cliff edge. Her scent disappears down the steep, rocky slope. She must have jumped. The thought fills me with sheer panic. My relationship with Bella thus far has been nothing if not unorthodox, but the idea of her dead, cold and pale in the ocean somewhere, strikes me with fear like nothing else. She's not even mine, as if I could own such a fierce and independent creature such as a human, and she has a mate. Still, I dive in after her, unable to see her cold and dead. I'll change her if I have to.

The fall to the water is slow for me, my eyes taking the time to scan the waves for any indication of where Bella has, undoubtedly, been tugged by the current of the ocean. I cut through the waves of salt water effortlessly. It's warm on my skin and I know that Bella will be turning blue soon if I don't find her. It takes me thirty seconds of frantic swimming to see her sinking into the depths, looking pale and… Well, dead. She looks peaceful, floating lightly as if it were a bath or a trip to the store.

Damn you, Bella, what are you thinking?

I wretch her toward me, planting my feet and pushing off of the ocean floor as hard as my strength allows me. Bella might get the bends, but it's better than death. We break the surface of the water in less than a second, Jake meeting me to take Bella's limp body back to the shore. I want to open my mouth and argue that I'll get there faster but I understand: he's warmer. He's a fire in the winter, and I am the winter. I can't do anything to help Bella, but I'd help the frostbite and hypothermia. He lays Bella down on the rocks and the sand, beginning CPR, when Quil slides in next to us and drops to his knees. "Jake, fuck, Harry Clearwater just died at the hospital. Seth and Leah both phased when they heard the news."

Bella chokes up seawater to a crushing, pregnant silence as the three of us look at each other over her waterlogged body.


	8. when my time comes around

"God dammit, Bella," Jacob curses, lifting the barely-coherent girl into his arms. "Quil, go back to the Clearwater's and tell them I'll be there after I drop Bella at my place. Don't tell them what happens." Quil nods and takes off into the woods, no doubt taking a well worn shortcut that they know. I'm left kneeling in the rocks, looking up as Jacob mutters under his breath, shifting Bella's weight. "You. Come with me. I'll leave you two at my house to warm her up."

"Of course," I follow him as he jogs back to his house, kicking open the door with no effort. The smell of the wolves is more prominent in his house, but so is the scent of cigars and sandalwood. It must be what Billy smells like when he's not masked by the pack. "Jacob, I can't warm her up. I'm frozen."

"You think I don't know that?" He hisses after he's put Bella down on his couch. "You think I'm not aware that you're a leech? Get me some clothes from my room." He's removing Bella's shoes and working on her soaked jeans. His gaze isn't inappropriate and his touch never lingers. Those details are what make me okay with dashing to his room, snatching a few shirts and pants to layer her up. "Thanks." He redressess Bella, who's coming to more and more as time goes on, and then he's stalking back toward the door. "You know how to make a fire? We have a fireplace. There's a TV if you want to watch something. I don't know what your kind is into, anyway, but whatever. Give her blankets. There's tea and hot chocolate in the kitchen. Try not to fucking kill her while I'm gone."

Then the boy is gone, taking off into the woods as he strips, and I am left with the buzzing of the home's electronics and the chattering of Bella's teeth as she whimpers on the couch. I take a deep breath, focusing on the smell of Jacob, before tossing a blanket over Bella. I stoke the fire to life and put enough wood in the place to last for a few hours. Then I'm onto making some tea, trying not to touch anything in the kitchen more than necessary. I don't want to or need to leave my scent in this house, so light steps and minimal contact is my goal. By the time that I return with the tea, mug warm in my hands, Bella's sitting up and rubbing at her eyes. "Greta?" She says, brows furrowed, "Greta, what happened?"

"You should probably tell me that, honestly. I fished you out of the ocean and Jacob resuscitated you." She takes the tea, making a face when she scorches her throat. "I found your shit by the cliff after we chased Victoria halfway to Canada."

"I just wanted to feel closer to him." Bella closes her eyes, voice small and pathetic. "He made me promise not to do anything dangerous, so when I do I feel like he's here, warning me. I just… It was so bad today. It hurt so much, and you and Jake were gone…" I'm flabbergasted, sitting down on Jacob's coffee table so that I can face Bella.

"I'm sorry, let me get this clear. You… Jumped off of a cliff to feel closer to your ex-boyfriend?" She averts her eyes, shame crawling up her face, "Because your two other friends weren't around? Bella, are you okay?" I put my hand on her knee, her shivering body shaking under my touch, "I'm serious, are you okay? That's not an okay thing to do, and it really makes me worry that you're not telling us about something." She looks back at me, surprised, with tears welling on her waterline. "We can get you help."

"You're the first person to offer that. Charlie just wanted to send me back to Arizona…" She wipes her eyes with the dry sleeve of one of Jacob's long sleeves. "I don't know what I need, Greta, but it hurts so much without him. I feel so stupid for feeling this way…"

"Bella, it doesn't matter what triggers the depression. It's still valid, and you still need help dealing with it. If you don't want to go to a professional, I can act as your therapist if you want. Or I can reach out to some old colleagues and get you in with them. Between this and the bike story, I'm not sure you can do this alone anymore. You certainly cannot rely on Jacob and I for emotional stability." She nods, hiccuping as she drinks the rest of the tea. "Jumping off of a cliff when a storm is rolling in isn't something you do to feel closer to an ex. It's something you do to kill yourself."

"I never wanted to kill myself."

"Don't lie to me, Bella." I stand and stalk over to the fireplace, trying to conceal my emotions, "I can feel your emotions. That's how I knew something was wrong. But I felt your relief, your acceptance, that your death was coming. I was worried that, in order to save you, that I'd have to change you. I was willing to risk it, too, biting you on Quileute land. They would kill me, but they'd let you live. Hopefully. That was a suicide attempt, Bella, no matter how you spin it. What the fuck were you thinking?" I drop to my knees and then rock back to sit in front of the fire. Phantom tears burn in my eyes, and I wrap my fingers in my hair. "I can't… Bella…"

"I'm sorry."

"You don't have to apologize. Not for this. Maybe for not reaching out for help earlier, but I won't make you." I wipe my hand across my mouth, sealing away my emotions before I turn to Bella again. "Do you feel warmer? Are you feeling better? It's been a while, you should be warming up."

"Uh, yeah," She's perceptive, understanding the conversation is on hold for a while, "Yeah, I'm feeling back to normal. The tea helped." I nod and Bella's eyes roam over the Black's living room until they settle on the window. The rain has finally hit La Push from the ocean and, behind the clouds, the sun is going down. "It's late, Charlie's going to be worried." I reach out for her father, finding him closer than Forks.

"No, he's not home. It'll be okay. He's at the Clearwater house with the pack and, well, most of the tribe." Bella nearly breaks her neck whipping around to look at me as I stand, taking my place on the coffee table again. She doesn't have to ask the question to get the answer. "Quil came and told us: Harry Clearwater died at some point today. His kids, Seth and Leah, phased for the first time when they found out." Bella pales and drops her head into her hands, letting her empty teacup clatter to the carpeted floor. "Bella, don't feel guilty."

"God. He was out with Charlie today, in the woods. Looking for that damn bear. Charlie must have been with him… And poor Sue…" She bites her lips, looking back up at me and reaching for my hands. I'm hesitant to let her take them, but I give in, "Jake and Quil… Didn't tell them, did they? Everyone at the Clearwater house?"

"I don't think so. Jacob told Quil to keep his mouth shut."

"Good. I don't think… I can't put anything like this in front of something like that."

"Look at me. You are important. Two very big, very bad things can happen at the same time and have the same priority. You're my priority right now, Bella. I don't even know the Clearwater family. You don't have to worry about being alone through this or outshining, for lack of a better term, the Clearwater's grief. Two things can coexist and be dealt with at the same time." She shakes her head and exhales long and deep, her scent wafting over me like some sort of drug I had never had, but knew the burn of all the same. "I'm serious, Bella."

She doesn't say anything, just looks at me. Her eyes are sad, dark and misty, but there's hope in them. Somewhere deep in her chest. "I didn't know someone could make me feel like this after…"

"Feel like what?" I say, knowing that the gnawing void in my chest is where a thrumming heartbeat and a flush should be. "You have to be specific."

"No, I don't. You can feel it, can't you?" She presses my right hand over her heart where her heartbeat is running wild, like a stallion on a farm from a life I lived too long ago. "You can reach out and feel what I'm feeling. You know what I'm talking about." Bella, in an act of confidence and bravery that comes out of nowhere like a train, or a truck, or a pack of wolf-boys, leans forward and kisses me. She's fire to my ice and sighs against my mouth when I raise a hand to cup her cheek. She's crying, tears running over her cheekbones and then dripping down my fingers. The kiss ends naturally, and then I'm watching Bella as she leaves her eyes shut, heart still hammering in her chest.

"I know what you're talking about Bella. I feel it, too." She smiles, nodding to herself as she wraps me in her arms. "You'll get cold again hugging me like this."

"I don't care, Greta. I just don't care."

* * *

The vampire that gets the drop on me is small. She's short, skinny, but ferocious as a lion. Her eyes are a strange, golden color, and she grins at me with no maleficence in her eyes. "Greta!" Her voice peals and echoes around Bella's empty house. I expect her to dive toward me, ready to tear my head from my body with her teeth and I move like she's going to, but she twists to follow me and presses a kiss to my cheek. It's like she knows what moves I'm going to make before I make them and anticipates every one. "It's so nice to finally meet you." She guides us to the couch but I remain standing.

"I have no idea who you are."

"Oh, Alice Cullen. Sorry to drop in during such circumstances, but I had to see if it was true." I shake her hand, putting a name to a face from the stories that Bella had told me. "I'm sorry it took me so long to get here. I know you two were close." My brows knit together as I rotate around the room to lean against the Swan's fireplace. It's across the room from Alice and gives me access to more than one escape point and lets me see everything happening.

"Correction: I have no idea who you are and what you're talking about." Her face falls and she looks past me like she's searching for something in the air around us. Her brow furrows and she shakes the thought away. It clicks in my head, "Are you- are you talking about Bella?" Speak of the devil and she shall appear, faint arguing from outside culminating in the slam of a door and footsteps heading our way. "Hey, I think there's a misunderstanding." Bella freezes when she opens her door, face pale. Her heartbeat takes off like a hound after a fox before the realization sets in. Bella, for someone who's nearly drowned and is still wet and waterlogged, moves with vigor as she throws herself at Alice.

"Alice! Oh, my God!" I watch, over Bella's shoulder, as Alice's face changes subtly, so face that a human wouldn't have been able to catch it. "Alice, what are you doing here?"

"What are you doing here?" Alice breathes, black eyes trained on the taller girl, "You should be dead." Bella's gasping, Alice attempting to hold her at arm's length. The gasps break to sobs and I take Bella from Alice's grasp, sitting the three of us on the couch. "I forgot that you were so… Excitable." Bella seems to catch on, leaning back onto me and apologizing. "It's not your fault. I didn't think to stop and feed-" I don't miss the way her eyes meet mine, unspoken questions in them, "I was in such a rush to get back here - would you like to explain to me, either of you, how you are alive?" Bella jerks away from my body, separating herself from me wholly. I don't miss the glance that she throws over her shoulder at me.

"I'll," I clear my throat, "I'll wait outside, then, for you to explain. I know this is a private conversation."

* * *

And wait I did. I was thinking, rather hard might I add, about what our kiss meant. I sat on the other side of the road, graciously giving them the room to speak freely knowing that I could not hear. And I sat there until the moon rose before I finally gave up on Bella, or Alice, remembering that I was once a part of their conversation. I went home.

Just as I open my front door my cell phone, abandoned on the kitchen table of my quant semi-permanent home, began ringing. It's a number I don't know, but that doesn't matter. I had given my phone number to nearly everyone on the reservation associated with the pack and, guessing by the arguing happening earlier in the night, it's Jacob. "Hey, Jacob."

"Is she alive?" I take a seat at my kitchen table, signing, "I can't go back over there or I'll tear that leech limb from limb."

"Jacob, you can't. You must abide by the treaty. Besides, it's only the little one. Alice."

"Edward's not coming back?"

"As far as I can tell, no. Alice… Saw Bella jump off of the cliff and assumed the worst. Little prophetess, I suppose." He sighs and I can feel the weariness on his shoulders through the phone. "Look, I'm not saying I know what you're going through…" Jacob cuts me off.

"Of course you do, bl-Greta. The pack isn't nearly as dumb as you think they are- me included. We see more than you bloodsuckers give us credit for. You know exactly how I'm feeling and you don't need that damned power to, either."

"Jake," I say his nickname for the first time, ever, "I'm sorry… I never meant… I know how you feel…"

"Sure, sure. It's easy to fall in love with Bella. She makes it so easy that it's unfair. I can't ask you not to be in love with her and then sit on the Rez with my thumb up my ass in the same predicament." The silence crackles on the line, both Jacob and I lost for words. How do I tell him that, yes, I do love Bella? How do I get over the gnawing guilt in the bottom of my stomach, something left over from a time when my heartbeat thudded through my body and women were burnt at the stake for having the feelings I hold? Jacob continues the conversation, picking up on my halted breath. "He's not here now, but is he going to come back?"

"Do you want my honest answer?" His grunt is all I take for an answer. "I'm not sure. I excused myself so that Bella and Alice could talk and they just left me out there. I finally came home when Charlie got back from the Clearwater house." Jacob just laughs, devoid of any humor or joy like I've heard him laugh with the pack.

"She does that when the Cullens are involved. We'll see what's happening tomorrow. So far Dad thinks that's when the funeral is. The whole pack is going, but Jared and Embry offered to take me to Bells' place in the rabbit before then. To ask her questions. We can't protect her when even one of the Cullens is back, you know that right? As long as they're back we, once again, are limited to the reservation. Just like when they first showed up. Forks is their land." He's spitting, voice shaking over the phone with the rage of a teenage boy who has a broken heart and generations of pain from his tribe.

"Good," I say earnestly. "It's a good thing you're going to talk. You're… very important to Bella, you know that? She was… Lost when we first met because you had stopped talking to her. It's crazy how she has us wrapped around her finger." He hums, and someone enters the house he's in, door slamming and growling voices taking over the line for a brief moment. "Look, go deal with your pack. I bet they're all furious."

"That's an understatement. See you, Greta."

"See you, Jacob."

An unfamiliar rage burns in my chest, something akin to jealousy but more volatile, and my hand crushes my cell phone before I can stop myself. I'm jealous, I realize, of a dog. Jealous of a dog, a girl who shouldn't know me from Adam but does, and a vampire I've never put eyes on before. How could the day change so drastically from when the sun rose? My life has always been long, expanses of time with nothing but the day-night cycle of watching the illusion of the sky spinning high above the earth but with Bella… Everything seemed to be put on fast forward. Saving her, gaining her, losing her… All within a few short months. Not even a year! And to only have her as a partner, or some semblance of a partner, for a few short hours. Life, it seems, becomes more cruel and cold the longer you live.

Suddenly, as the sounds of the night replace the sounds of metal and plastic being bent and broken, I feel the weight of my age for the first time since my coven burned.


	9. every version of me dead and buried

Embry explodes out of the woods and barks, jerking his head toward Bella's house before taking off again. If I had a heart that works it would beat out of my chest, snapping ribs as it went. As it turns out my heart is still as stone, so my body has to do the work for it. I hit the door of Bella's back porch as soon as it's unlocked by Alice, tension radiating from the house in massive, mind-boggling waves. "What happened?" I'm breathing heavy even though it doesn't matter. Alice shakes her head and I follow her to the living room, where Jake is holding Bella. Her eyes are rolled back in her head, mouth slack. I can't get any feelings off of her, but I don't need a power to see the anger in Jacob. He's shaking with it. "Jake?"

Neither of us can speak to the other for Bella's sudden struggling to her feet, leaning brokenly on Jacob. "Alice, Alice, what's wrong?" Jacob doesn't let go of her, but growls when I step towards them. Alice, behind me, fists her hands in her hair and falls against the wall, wailing brokenly. I'm stuck between the emotions in the house, feeling them climb my throat and try to rip out of my mouth.

"I don't, I don't understand! I can only see his decision, not the reason-! Give me your phone." She waves her hands at me but I step back, raising my hands. "Your phone, Greta!"

"I don't have it! I don't have one anymore! I broke it."

Jake tosses his phone at Alice, who catches it and dials a number before turning away from us. "Greta." He's shaking, teeth clenched like he's going to explode. Bella told me once about how their phasing has evolved, but he can still kill her. He's still the size of a horse and Bella's living room isn't small by any standard: except the standard of a man-sized boy exploding into a ball of fur and claws. I take most of Bella's weight but Jacob hovers close.

"Alice, come on."

But Alice is speaking at a rapid pace, nails digging into her forehead like she's in physical curses, foully and long, and then falls to her knees. "Stupid mutt, stupid mutt." She whips the cell phone at Jacob, who dodges it and falls into full body ripples. "Rose, you told him what I saw? Are you fucking stupid? How could you? What else did you say to him? I know what I saw-"

"Alice, what's happening?" Bella wails, fighting against me as I try to nudge Jacob toward the door. He and Alice spit profanity and insults at each other, Bella wrestling against me. I'm soaking it all up, all the turmoil and fear and grief in the room, until I'm filled to the brim with it. Like a sponge. I take a deep breath, dizzy from Bella's scent so close to me, and I let it all out. I scream Alice's name, letting all of the emotion explode out of me.

"Tell us what is going on!" The room falls silent but then, as Bella's hand finds Jacob's bicep and digs in, she speaks.

"Rose told him I jumped." She collapses against me, head lolling back, "It wasn't Carlisle that called." I freeze, looking toward Jacob. He has the same realization behind his eyes that everyone in the room has but me. He takes three steps back, Bella's hands clasping at my forearms instead of his. "Call him, Alice. Call him and I'll talk to him. He has to know that I'm not dead." I struggle to put up a wall against the emotions swirling in the room, focusing on the fact that Bella's skin is pressed against mine and I'm getting nothing from her. The void that comes from her grounds me and I grit my teeth together.

"Bella, he won't pick up."

"Alice," I growl, baring my fangs, "Get to the point."

"He's made his decision."

"I don't understand," Bella's back with a ferocity, struggling against me to get to Alice. I realize, but neither Jacob or Bella does, "Alice, I don't get it." Alice jumps to her feet, swinging and knocking one of Charlie's pictures from the walls.

"He's going to Italy, Bella, don't you get it?" Bella, in my arm, explodes. She jerks away from me and I let her go. When Jacob tries to get in between Alice and Bella, he takes an elbow to the nose and falls back against the couch. Jacob and I, standing next to each other, watch as Bella wails against Alice. They're two women woven together, grieving an event that's already happened. I try not to hear their conversation, but it sounds like Edward has thought about… His options before.

"What's happening?" Jacob asks, leaning toward me, "I don't understand."

"Vampire kings," I explain, "In Italy. Volterra, the heart of it. The police of our kind. If he does something, anything, that will put our secret at risk they will dismember him and burn him, whatever treaties or emotions they feel toward the Cullen coven be damned."

"-What about Charlie?" Jacob looks past me, jaw set.

"Fuck the treaties, if you're leaving I won't let anything happen to Charlie Swan. I don't care how many bloodsuckers are in Forks." Everything after that is a whirl - Bella goes to write a note for Charlie and Alice is on the phone with a local airline. I'm left standing in the living room, feeling all at once too human and not human enough. Alice, the small vampire who holds more power than I know, turns to me when she's put on hold.

"Get your passport - oh, don't give me that look I know you have one - and then meet us back here. We need your power, and I don't mean your gift." Bella, by that point, is back downstairs looking at me like I've killed her dog. I'm lost for words, but still I head back to the place I've bought and gather the supplies that I've been told I need.

* * *

Nobody explains why I'm there until we're in the car, passing the Welcome To Forks sign. Alice is speeding and Bella, who was holding it together at the house until Jacob begged her not to leave, is losing it in the front seat. I'm trying to calm her down from the backseat, one hand on her shoulder, until Alice produces a decadent smelling bag from under the driver's seat. "I didn't know why I needed this when I left, but now I know. I just saw the use for it, never who was using it. But now I know that you're supposed to drink it. If you don't we'll all die when we set foot in front of the Volturi." The bag lands in my lap and I recoil, pushing myself to the opposite side of the car. "Drink it, Greta, please."

"Fuck no," I spit, eyeing it like I'm a human and the bag is a snake, waiting to strike. "I'm not drinking human blood."

"It's from a blood bank." Alice states as if that changes things. My eyes will still be red after I drink it and I'll never be as strong as I am now. "Come on, it's crucial that at least one of the three of us matches, if not supersedes, the Volturi's power."

"Oh," I say bitingly, "And it has to be me, right? It can't be you, because you're a Cullen." I spit some of the venom pooling under my tongue at the seat in front of me, Alice surely smelling the acrid scent. I've spent nearly one hundred years away from human blood- or blood in general- and it's not changing. Not now, not for Bella, and certainly not for the Cullen Coven.

"If you don't go into Volterra with red eyes and the strength that goes with them we will die. I will die, you will die, Edward will die, and Bella will die. Do you think I'm lying?"

"Give me your hand." I demand Alice, "If I'm ruining the life I've made for a man I've never met, I deserve to at least know what you two are gaining from my loss." Alice's palm slides against mine and, in a few milliseconds, I'm in her head.

* * *

Three bodies lay together under a blanket. Nobody needs it, but it's there. Rain is falling softly outside while they murmur in soft voices too low to hear. A group showing intimacy is strange, but they seem comfortable with one another in the way that only intimacy allows. The rain evolves into a storm and the first crash of thunder brings a change of scene, like the shaking of a snow-globe.

* * *

Volterra is sunny, which is unfortunate. Alice and I have a hard time making it through the sea of red cloaks and enthusiastic children, but it gives us an excuse to cover our skin. Alice tells me that we only have a few minutes before they Volturi kill Edward and, by extension, Bella. We're running at a slow, human pace, but we make it in time. Bella's there, Edward spead so that she's protected from two shifting, gliding, black cloaks. Alice tells me their names, but they're garbled. I can't understand them, though I hear her crystal clear through the crowd.

Two more black cloaks, with names as garbled as their faces, block Alice and I into the alley, as well. Oh, I hear myself say, old friends. The last thing I see is Edward's confused face before everything explodes like ink in water, scene changing before me.

* * *

Their dungeon is cold, even for me. The chill settles against my skin, a welcome change from the sun outside. I walk slowly beside Alice, Edward, and Bella. She seems to have forgotten that I exist, or that I've drank human blood for her. Have I? It changes every few seconds, the burn in my throat disappearing and reappearing with no warning. I can't make up my mind on whether or not I've transgressed.

We arrive to Aro's chambers with no fanfare. He's gathered most of the guard, spattering them around the room on our level and on the balconies. I'm no fool, I see Heidi among them. I do my best to act like seeing her again, after all of these years, doesn't hurt. I see Bella shiver and, I suppose, that it would be cold in the chamber for a human. Aro, looking more sickly than the last time I saw him but not terrible, approaches the trio of Cullen vampires slash wannabe-Cullen vampires. I step back, meeting the hard and firm hand of Felix as he blocks my exit. Chelsea, he breathes down my neck, will be delighted to see you.

I'm an outsider in the conversation happening, feeling like I'm there but I'm not there. There's something wrong, because I can see double. I'm moving, fighting, losing and Bella is screaming but why is she screaming? But at the same time Aro is approaching, cooing Thomasin like the prayers of old and he's clasping my hands and we're feeding thoughts to each other. But I'm feeling my arms tore from my body, screaming as Alice and Edward watch, Bella quivering in his arms. But then I'm standing before Heidi and she's looking at me with something akin to puty. Everything is a blur and I can't make out what's happening and what's not happening. My palm slips from Alice's and I am back in the car. Not even a second has passed.

* * *

"Do you understand now?" Alice's voice is steely as we approach Seattle. "What has to be done?" My eyes drift toward the blood, burn in my throat multiplying by one thousand, "Greta."

I snatch the bag off of the seat, swallowing thickly, "Fine, if this is what you need." And then I puncture the bag, the first wave of blood washing over my tongue. I groan, brow furrowing, and the burn in my throat is sated for the first time in decades. I had forgotten, even though that's borderline impossible, how amazing of a taste I was missing out on. I'm glad, in a traumatic kind of way, that Alice has brought more than one bag with her. I drain the first, then the second, and finally the third before I toss them in the backseat. The burn is gone, my stomach pleasantly full. I wonder, looking at Bella and Alice, just what I've sacrificed because of a human named Isabella Swan, who has been silent since the blood made an appearance.

When we get to the airport I put on sunglasses to hide the crimson of my eyes and we dash to our gate, just barely making it. Alice has managed to get Bella a seat between us, putting me at the window. If I want to get out (see: lose control and try to kill someone on the plane that's hopefully not Bella) Alice will stop me. I give the stewardess a dazzling smile when I slide into my seat and put a hand on Bella's shoulder to stop her bouncing.

"It's a long way to Italy." I choke on her name, deciding not to say it, "You should sleep."

"Greta's right." Alice nods once, matter-of-factly, her dimples deep and carved as she smiles at another passenger. "You should sleep, I have a phone call to make after we take off." The three of us eyes the cell phone she's not trying to hide. "Do you have anybody you need to call, Greta?" She leans across Bella and lowers her voice, "A coven? A mate?"

I hope they miss the way I let my eyes flicker toward Bella. "No. I don't have a coven, not anymore. I'm alone." Adding anything about my renewed bloodlust is redundant, it's implied, and Bella looks down, biting her lip. I pat her thigh, her eyes meeting mine through the shades of my glasses. "Don't blame yourself." I meet Alice's eyes, next, "Just hope your friend is right and this needed to happen."

"It does." In sync we sit back against the seats as the plane readies for takeoff, "You saw it as well as I did. It's hard to see through the different possibilities, isn't it? I have to do that every single day, it's amazingly frustrating." Alice continues like that, flipping through an on-board magazine while we take off, Bella and I sharing looks of confusion. "I suppose I should make that call now." A flight attendant makes a move to stop her as she unlocks the phone but I give a pointed look over my glasses. I hear her heartbeat quicken and she moves away. I try not to focus too much on the pulses around me or the smell of Bella's shampoo when she leans against me. Her heartbeat is fast, too, but that's because Alice isn't being nearly as quiet talking to a man named Jasper as she thinks she is. I let them have their discussions as they need to, once again feeling like I am not only redundant but just… Thomasin.

* * *

We arrive in the city faster than I care to admit, sunglasses all but glued to my face. There's a vendor, just outside the street, selling red cloaks and Alice, having the mystical foresight that she has, buys two of them for us. She tasks me with parking the car after I reveal that I know where to go, and disappears into the crowd with Bella in tow. I find a spot to ditch the expensive, stolen car and mix into the crowd of humans, my senses buzzing. It's almost tangible in the air: the emotion, the pulses, the laughter and shouting of children. With my system running once more on blood, I can feel all of it thousands of times brighter.

It's overwhelming, but I push forward. It's just like Alice's vision, the one I siphoned in the car. I watch from across the fountain as Edward spins Bella out of the sunlight just as Alice ducks further into the alley, and then two sore-thumb black cloaks box them further in. The scent wafts toward me and I know it's Alec and Dimitri. I push through humans, throat burning and egging me on everytime one of them bumps into me, but I'm intercepted by a teenager, barely up to my chin as she grins from under a black cloak. Like all vampires she's supernaturally beautiful; but she looks like a Sandro Botticelli painting come to life with short hair that frames her face and blood red eyes. She smiles at me and reaches out her hand, a threat.

"Thomasin!" Her voice, light and airy, doesn't carry the dark undertones that her eyes do. "Father will be so excited to see you!" And because I have no choice, because it's Jane, because people around us are looking quizzically at a black dot in a sea of red, I take her hand. She tugs me through the crowd making sure to keep our hands connected under our cloaks, but all pretenses dissipate when we're under the cover of the alcloves of the alleyway. Everything drops and Jane strides forward with purpose. I follow, gritting my teeth as we follow the fresh scents of the other vampires down, deeper and deeper, until we drop through the hole in the floor that will seal our fate- whichever way that fate might swing. We catch up to the others as they wait for an elevator to take us lower. I wonder, somewhere in the back of my mind, whether or not Aro has redecorated once more, or if everything will be the same as I remember it.


	10. oh, the fear of fellow man

Aro has not aged a day since I last saw him, save his skin beginning to become pallid with hunger. He grins wide and unhinged when he puts eyes on Bella. "Isabella Swan, I have heard so much about you!" He steps quickly toward her and I would have met him in the middle had it not been for Jane's hand on my elbow. "Curious." He continues, waltzing back to where his guard should stand in front of the throne if the room was not empty, save us.

"Thomasin, how nice of you to join us. Have you found yourself another coven?" His voice steels as he falls back into his chair. Jane pushes me forward, hand low on my back as she forces me much closer than Bella and the Cullens. "It seems as if dear Edward didn't know you, but yet Isabella looks at you with familiarity. Alice brought you with them."

Cooly, I shake Jane off and approach Aro from the flank, "No," I smile, "You know how I feel about covens, Aro. Or, you should since you remember destroying mine."

"I left dear Heidi alive. And Victoria, too! Don't forget, dearest, that you're alive because of my sacrifice." He meets my eyes, black locked on red. "Oh, I was worried that we'd put you off of eating after that ordeal. It seems that you're just as healthy as the last time we met." I idly pull my hair back, smiling at Aro. "Perhaps you'll give me a chance to… Catch up? I know it's not without a price, but I suppose I can pay it." I extend my hand and he leaps at the chance, his skin sliding against mine. Aro, and the rest of the Volturi, feed on the fear of humans as much as the blood and it makes them… Chalky. Cadaverous. Statues of death. Aro only holds my hand for a second, but it's all we need. It's all he needs to see how Bella affects me. "Disappointing."

"Yes, I suppose finding out that I am not the monster you wish me to be is a tad upsetting, Aro." I watch the anger flicker behind his eyes, but it's replaced with the mirth he so desperately clings to. "I have to say I am surprised, though," I take several steps back until I'm just in front of Edward, Bella, and the Volturi guards that hold them in place. "You bring us to your throne room and don't even bring the guard out to intimidate. Not even Marcus to taste the air and find our alliances. Tsk, tsk, Aro. You're losing your groove." No sooner than I finish taunting him than the guard is there. Jane joins Alec and both of the children stand next to Chelsea. I scan the ever-changing faces for Heidi but she's not here. Marcus and Caius file in, eyes redder than Aro's and grinning. I feel Alec and Chelsea's powers lingering at the edge of my consciousness. "That's better. A fair trial, rather than your bias. I have a feeling that you are not fond of Edward, Alice, or Isabella."

"Oh, but I'm fond of you, little deer."

"I've told you before that I will not join your ranks." He looks back to Chelsea and I feel the pull, tugging on my alliances trying to redistribute them. "You should focus on the task at hand, Aro. It's the Cullen Coven, I assume. Not a lowly nomad." I try to stand strong, but I can feel the revulsion creeping in when I say the name of the man standing next to me.

"Yes, yes, I suppose we should continue with the trial." He giggles, the sound echoing off of the high walls, "Alec, if you may?" I'm prepared before it hits me, the nothingness that's so opposite of his sister. They're almost identical, but it's Chelsea keeping him here. I've tasted it in his emotions before, in the milliseconds before I feel nothing and see nothing and hear nothing that he is forced to let me in, that he's only staying for Jane. Chelsea, for as powerful as she is, can only hold someone for so long.

I stand still, knowing that having none of my senses will do me no good if I try to fight it. I could kill Bella, strike an ally, die without feeling it or knowing it's coming. I let Alec hold me there, wondering what I've been silenced for. What is Aro trying to hide from me that he can say in front of Bella? She's human, she's a liability, she's probably going to die. It dawns on me, then, that he's seen how I've begun to feel and cannot risk going up against Edward Cullen, Alice Cullen, and me. So I wait, clenching my hands at my sides, and when I'm given my senses back I come face to face with the excruciating pain of Jane bearing down on me. I collapse backward, legs contorting underneath me as I writhe. Screams rip from my throat, eyes rolling back in my head. It's like getting my limbs ripped off by the wolves except nobody hands them back, nobody allows me to reattach them, they're throwing them in the fire and they're throwing me in the fire and I'm dying and -

It's over, and I'm not the only one who is screaming. My body is too weak to push myself back up until the screaming subsides into sobbing and then I realize that it's Bella who was screaming. Aro stands with one hand on her shoulder and a sick smile on his face. Edward and Alice have three guards on each of them, eyes hard and trained on Bella. I stand, shaking my limbs out, and cockily grin at Aro over Bella's shoulder. "What did I miss?"

"Isabella sacrificed herself for Edward, Thomasin. Isn't that neat? A small, worthless human," His hand constricts around Bella's shoulder and I watch her wince, Edward struggling to our left, "Risking her life for someone like us?" His head cocks, hair shifting. He's egging me on, digging his nails into Bella's shoulder. "What should we do with her, Thomasin? Kill her? Change her? Make her watch as we rip Alice and Edward to shreds or force them to join us? I'm surprised. You resisted Chelsea very nicely this time. Next time I think you won't be so lucky."

"I say that we let her go." Aro watches my steps toward him with calculating eyes, "You haven't fed, Aro. I have. Look at my eyes; can you feel the power I have now? The way blood passes through my body in a way that you're lacking? Come now, you can't lie to me." I sneer, grinning, the ghost of an excited heartbeat thudding in my chest, "I can feel your fear lingering in the air. If it comes down to a fight you will lose. I will kill you before Alec or Jane can lay a hand on me or incapacitate me. You know this. You're afraid of this. It's why you kept me under while this happened. I've wanted to kill you for a long time, Aro. To burn this place to the GROUND," My scream echoes around the chamber, Bella flinching, "Since you killed my coven. But I've been good. I've obeyed your stupid little laws. Nobody has found out that I'm a monster, save one who already knew. What are you going to do Aro? Execute me with no reason?"

His smile has faded into an ugly twist of his lips and he shoves Bella into my arms. I catch her, spinning to deposit her behind my back before facing Aro again. "My decision will be final. Isabella is to be changed. The decision lies to her coven on who will change her but if she is not turned by the time we come to check up on her we will kill you all. I do not care if you are not a part of the coven, Thomasin. You will be hunted down and burned, as well, if young Isabella does not join the ranks of the undead. Jane will show you out." Edward and Alice are pushed to the ground, at Bella's side before a beat of her heart has time to finish.

"No," My voice is steely, "I remember the way to the door, and I am sure that Edward does as well. We will see ourselves out."

"Very well. The offer is on the table, still, Thomasin. Join us."

"No."

"Perhaps young Alice or Edward would like to join us."

"I'm sure they would rather be burnt than join you, Aro. Good evening."

I push the other two vampires, low hisses building in the back of their mouths, out of the chamber and down the dark hallway. Bella is shivering and I wonder what she's feeling under the nothing of shock. Fear, most likely. Sadness. I bite back my own feelings, scowling as the group doesn't move fast enough for my liking. "Please, can we hurry? Isabella is going to catch pneumonia at this rate. We're not exactly warm creatures, you know." Edward jerks my hand off of her back, cornering me against the wall as Alice wraps Bella in her arms.

"Don't touch her," He sneers, golden eyes boring into mine, "Don't put your fucking hands on her."

"I would keep your hands to yourself, Edward. I'll rip your arm from your body if you so much as think about touching me again."

"I'm the mind-reader. Keep your hands and your thoughts to yourself, Thomasin."

"Edward. Greta." I look to Alice, who's holding a pale and unconscious Bella in her arms like a new bride, "We should leave. You two can have this pissing contest later when she's warm and not in shock."

* * *

Bella falls asleep on the plane easily. She's wrapped up in two heated blankets in between Edward and me, who have not spoken since the underbelly of Volterra. Her breath is calmer than I've seen it, but that may have something to do with Edward's hand in hers. I think back to all the times I've held her hand, but then try not to. Edward can read minds much like Aro. I busy myself with translating the Christian Bible into German, then working from German to Arabic. He scoffs every time I get to the Cain and Abel story, lingering there for longer than necessary. Edward turns to me, opening his mouth in a snarl to speak, but every time he does so a ball of paper hits him in the side of the head, Alice gazing out the window across the aisle as if we didn't watch her spin back around.

I'm thankful for Alice, even if I am filled with spite and vinegar for what she asked me to do. It ended up all right, though, and that's what matters. She was right- had I not fed and my eyes remained indicative of that we would have died. I wouldn't have dared to challenge Aro like that. "Edward," I decided with finality, "We should probably talk."

"I have nothing to say to you." His voice is like a hiss over Bella's head and I scoff, rolling my eyes. "When we get back to Forks you'll leave." I lean over Bella to snarl in his face.

"Yeah, are you going to make me, Edward? Going to fight me for your land? For your property?" I gesture to Bella. "For a girl who wants me to stay?" Our noses are almost touching when Bella stirs, waking up. We're back to normal before anyone can blink and I close my eyes, leaning against the window. She smells so good, so decadent, and I feel like I'm going to suffocate. "Good morning, Bella." I mumble when her fingers ghost over my shoulder, "Sleep well?"

"No. Better than I have been, but no."

"Anything is better than you have been." I turn to face them but lock eyes with Edward. It's so easy to remember with such crystal clarity how he left her. The way his scent under the floorboards was affecting her. His face crumbles into a mask of pain, and I can feel it deep in his soul, but I try not to let it make me pity him. He did this to her, put that hole in her chest.

"You should go back to sleep, love." Edward presses a kiss to her forehead, eyes locked onto mine. I shrug as Bella nestles into his side. It's like Jacob told me, what seems like years ago, over the phone. When the Cullens are involved nothing else matters- especially when Edward Cullen is involved. I wonder, vaguely, if she meant what she said or if it was just a ploy, a cruel joke. Does she know that when a vampire decides they're mated that it never changes? Never ends? The plane rumbles, turbulence pitching us diagonal for a second. I decide, then, that I'll stop pursuing Bella. She's happy and I should let her be happy with Edward. Besides- he's already vying to rip me to shreds. I would like to live for a little bit longer.

Alice, across the aisle, gasps and looks toward our group. She's looking past me, eyes hazy with the onslaught of information. I look to Edward; his face is scrunched up like he's in pain. "What? What's happening?"

"Your life is sporadically changing, that's what's happening!" Alice exclaims, leaning over her armrest. "You make decisions faster than anyone I know, and change your path too much. Stop that. You were going to be happy and you changed it all." Her eyes are wide. "You're still going to be happy, much happier in fact, but not if you change your mind again."

"My life is hell, and I am damned." Edward moans under his breath.

* * *

Being back in Forks is like a breath of fresh air, but there's lingering anxiety in the air. It's coming from Bella, and me as well, but Edward and Alice are pretending to ignore it as they drop me outside the forest where my house resides. I bid goodbye, Bella not really looking at me as I do so, and I'm back at my place in a flash. A fine layer of dust has settled everywhere and I find a note in my bedroom, sitting on a pillow I've only used ironically. It's from Jacob.

call me when bella gets back

xxx-xxx-xxxx

jacob

I snort and tuck it into a book on my bookshelf before retrieving the package on my front porch. I ordered a new phone on the flight home, surprised that it's already arrived. Once I sit around and try to get everything activated via my laptop, I call Jacob.

"Hello?"

"Jacob, it's Greta."

"Is she okay? Are those-"

"Bella's fine." I cut him off, rubbing my forehead, "Everyone is back in one piece. Assumably the Cullens are coming back to Forks."

"Fuck," Jacob's voice warbles and I hear his fist collide with drywall. I listen as he slams through a door and then climbs into a car, the engine revving after another three doors shut. "I'm coming to get you." My eyes open, staring widely at my unused kitchen.

"No!" My voice is too panicked- he's going to get suspicious. "You can't. Stay home, Jacob. Stay away from my house."

"What? No, you saw what happened. You need to be at the meeting."

"Stay away, Jacob!" My voice breaks and I fight to control my grip on my phone, "You and the rest of the pack need to stay away." My breath hits heavy against the receiver, shame bubbling up inside of me. There's something feral about the fear I feel. I shouldn't be feeling it because the pack aren't my friends, but they'll be upset. I will have upset them, and broken my promise to them. "Leave me alone."

"That's going to be pretty hard to do when we're almost to your house." Someone in the background whoops, "The boys are excited to see you. Sam says that Seth and Leah need training. We think Quil is gonna phase soon, so we'll need you then, too." I hand up, letting the phone drop onto the kitchen table. It begins ringing again almost immediately and I fly to my hallway to look at myself in the mirror. My eyes are still vibrant and blood red. It'll take months for them to fade back to the coal color that they were before my transgression.

The burn is back in my throat, a fire that roars to life when I think about it. Outside I hear the truck rumbling down my dirt road, the radio inside the cab crackling with interference. Before they can reach me - no doubt they know something is wrong by scenting the air and realizing how much my smell has changed - I run, kicking off my shoes as I go. I explode out my backdoor, barely pausing to open it, and I aim for the tree line. I'm moving faster than I'm used to so when a hulking, black wolf breaks the tree line in the milliseconds before I'm due to hit it I can't stop. Sam and I collide, his bark breaking with pain as we tumble through trees, our bodies tangled in a mess of claws and limbs and his teeth. We flop to a standstill and I clench my eyes shut. I hear the others run, laughing, into the clearing where Sam and I sit.

"Jeez, Greta, need new brake pads?" Jared calls jokingly.

"Maybe Sam needs better eyes!" Embry jests, the group drawing closer.

"Maybe we should have just let Jacob collect her." That's Paul, grumbling and quivering. I can taste his anger in the air as Sam and I struggle to separate ourselves.

"Guys, shut up," Jacob's voice is a deep drawl, colored by anger and hurt. "Greta, come on, stop playing this stupid game." I stayed silent, kneeling. Behind me, I can feel the air shift as Sam phases back. "We need you to help us." I shake my head, not trusting my voice. I'm so scared I can taste it in the air like it's coming off of someone else, I can feel where my erratic heartbeat should be. I know I'm going to die. Jacob sighs and then wretches me to my feet, one hand forcing my eye open with two of his fingers. Whatever snide comment he was building dies before it passes his teeth and he casts me back, hard. I hit the ground and look up, past the canopy of trees, as Jacob phases and tears my head from my body.


	11. why were you digging (what did you bury)

I had always heard the rumors that you could still… Exist as a vampire with your head torn off. I never believed it. In the forest, just before Bella jumped from the cliff, Victoria had tried to cleave my neck from my shoulders. My vision had tunneled and I thought, in that moment, it was all going to go black until the wolves put me back together. I wish, sitting in the bed of Sam's truck, that was the case. I can see everything, smell the rain that's falling gently in a mist. My skin is dripping, covered by a tarp that's filled with holes. I can hear the pack arguing, feel their tremors beneath my cheek. My body is across from me, but I can't feel that. Every so often it twitches like I'm still controlling it, but I'm not. I'm a prisoner in my own skull.

I know where we're going before they do. They're passing through Forks and past Bella's house, I can smell her scent permeating the air and Charlie's unbridled, burning anger. But the truck carries on until we're on the freeway just outside of Forks, and then on a dirt road. I've never been here, but I already know it's the Cullen house. They're taking me as proof. A trophy.

A reason to break the treaty and kill the Cullens where they stand.

I curse Alice as the truck stops, the Cullens stepping onto the porch to greet their visitors. None of this would have happened had she not forced my hand. I feel guilty, then, because I know that it wasn't just Alice. Somewhere, deep inside of me, I wanted to feed again. I wanted to drink from those blood bags, or I wouldn't have. I wonder how to describe my feelings, now, if fear and guilt can't pool in my gut. Do they hang in the air where my gut used to be? Or do I feel them in my body when I can't feel anything else on the stone corpse across from me? Doors slam, Jacob growls, and I can hear a man speaking in a low, comforting voice.

"Samuel, Jacob, Paul, Jared, Embry. It's nice to see you again."

"Can it, Cullen," Jacob growls. I can practically feel his fury, but it's just masking hurt. I wonder, if they don't kill the Cullens and burn me, if we can be friends after this. "You broke the treaty."

"I'm afraid I don't know what you're talking about." He takes a deep breath and I can practically hear the smile in his voice, "Why don't you come in? It smells like we'll be having another visitor soon. Greta seems to be on her way."

"No," Alice's voice cuts in, "I would have seen her make that decision, even if I can't see anything with… The pack here."

"And I can already feel…" Another voice, but a young man's voice, or a boy. It's different and I can't grasp his feelings. I can, however, feel the cloud of horror and anticipation that falls over the Cullens when they reach the same conclusion: I am already here, but I am not moving. I am not speaking. I must be dead.

"Greta?" Alice sounds raw, footsteps leaping down porch steps but the wolves' growl stops her in her tracks. "What did you do? What did you do to her?" Alice's voice is shrill with accusation.

"Greta broke the treaty." Sam echoes Jacob, amending the younger's statement, "We brought her here to show you that we're serious. This isn't some fickle game that we're playing with you bloodsuckers. We're already putting our Tribe at risk to allow you to stay here and we put it further at risk to allow Greta to stay here. One toe out of line," His voice shakes with the power of an alpha, "I mean it, one toe out of line and we will slaughter you as we have slaughtered your ally." Hands grasp at my cheek- too rough with me to be Jacob's- and Paul tosses my head in front of the family. I roll until my slack jaw and crossed eyes are gazing up at the porch, taking in the rest of the Cullen Clan for the first time. My body hits the ground next to me.

Alice screams, raw and loud and horrified, and the man next to her holds her back. "You're wrong!" She bellows, "No, she didn't break the treaty!" The blond man in the center, large and covered in thick bands of muscle, clenches his jaw and steps down the porch toward the wolves.

"I will not argue with you, Samuel. Nor will I argue with your pack. It is by your grace that we are allowed to reside here, but you should let us give you with an explanation."

"I DON'T NEED ANY DAMN EXPLANATION," Jacob explodes behind me, his fury riding the waves of his echoing voice, "SHE WAS FINE! SHE FOLLOWED THE GOD DAMNED TREATY UNTIL YOU SHOWED UP." Sam gives a warning under his breath and I hear the sound of skin sliding against skin as if they're holding him back. "It's your fault." Jacob's voice quivers after a few heartbeats of silence, "It's your fault she broke the treaty and we should kill you, too." I want to scream, I want to tell him what happened, but I can't. I'm stuck and I can't breathe, and I can't move. Jacob and I had become unlikely allies in the months since we both fell for Bella, and I had hoped that we could have continued on the track to becoming fast friends.

"She didn't bite anyone." Alice sounds out of breath, "If you would have just waited before you tore her apart, you could have asked. She did not kill anyone. She didn't even want to drink the blood!" Alice breaks away from the man holding her back. She stops a few steps behind the other man. "It was from a blood bank that I robbed. She didn't even commit the robbery! She just drank the blood that came from a human who's still alive. You've killed her for no reason!"

Jacob steps over my head, blocking my view of everything but the back of his shins. "Do you think I wanted to kill her? Huh? Is that what you think? Of course you do. All of you think that we're stupid fucking Native savages, killing with no reason."

"Now, son…"

"I'M NOT YOUR SON!" Jacob shoves the man. They're locked in a standoff and I can hear the growl building in both of the group's chests. "I'm not your son. I'm not your friend. But I was her friend. I'm a protector first, a wolf first, and I can't let someone who's killed a human live this close to the people I swore to protect."

"Jacob…" Jared cuts in, stepping over my head as well. "Maybe we should… Put her back together and ask her. Right? We can do that?" His voice is louder and it's like he's turning to ask Sam and Paul. Sam, to his credit, breaks out the alpha voice to settle the quarrel.

"Jacob, Paul: stand down. We will let the Cullens put Greta back together and we will ask her." Everyone begins to move once more, heaving me into two separate sets of arms and moving back around to a clearing that's settled by the side of the Cullen house. Alice, and the man who held her back before, work enough left-over venom out of my mouth to put my neck back onto my torso.

* * *

Waking up is strange. I lose consciousness when my neck and my torso slide together. It's a brief moment of relief before the world is back in full force. I don't move from where I'm laid in the clearing on the Cullen land, keeping everything as still as possible. Nobody speaks to me, or at all, and I wonder what is going to happen to me again. When I finally open my eyes everything is so much more clear than when I was just a head. It reminds me of looking back on my human memories, the way that everything looks like there's a thick, dirty veil in front of my face. I'm on my feet and backing away from Jacob as soon as begins approaching me, hands up so that he doesn't attack. "Don't hurt me." He stops moving forward and I try not to crouch and leap at him. Everything in me in urging me to do just that, to fight him, to rip him to shreds but I can't. He sounded so hurt when he was talking to the Cullens and looks hurt now, like a kid. I have to remember he's only sixteen. His jaw locks and he looks back at Sam.

"We're not going to hurt you unless you don't explain yourself." The older man says, stepping up to match Jacob. The Cullen clan all shift simultaneously like they're worried he's going to strike. Or they're afraid I'm going to strike. "Tell us why you've broken the treaty."

"I haven't," I shake my head, eyes never leaving Sam's, "I would never. The blood was from a blood bank and I… I didn't want to do it but they made me. If I hadn't have done it, Bella would be dead and so would I. If you don't believe me, I'll leave. I'll leave Washington and I'll only come back with your permission." I can't feel anything but my fear, the way it twists my stomach, and the burning in my throat. I want them to kill me again, but burn my body this time because I know that burn won't go away for another twenty years when I stop thinking about it. I'll never be strong enough to resist again, not now. I wonder, eyes flickering to where the Cullens stand, if I can provoke either party in front of me to kill me. "Please." Somehow everyone knows I'm not begging to be spared, now. I watch Jacob's face crumple and he leans into Sam.

"Greta," He says, changing the tone of the conversation entirely. "You don't have to feed on humans."

"I don't have to feed at all."

"There are other ways."

"Clearly you think it didn't work."

"Greta, I'm sorry. I just thought…" Sam shoves Jacob forward until we're the only two in the clearing, both moving like the other is a wounded animal. "I'm sorry."

"I'm sorry I came back."

"No…" He looks off into the trees, no doubt where his pack is lingering, "I'm glad you came back, you just can't do this anymore." I take a few steps back, ready to run if I need to. "You can't not feed. I would be more than happy to rip the Cullens limb from limb because they're self-righteous pricks, but you're not. Jesus, the whole pack likes you and you're a fucking vampire. But you can't not feed and still be our ally. Not be an ally like they are. Not now. I know how hard it is- I've seen that blond one that looks like he's gonna fucking kill himself every day. He's slipped up before. I know he has. If he does it here… Well, he's done. I can't rip your fucking head off again. That was the hardest thing I've had to do as a wolf." I run my fingers along the ridge that now wraps around my neck, like a choker necklace embedded in my skin. Jacob winces.

"You were right to do so, Jacob. I don't fault you for that."

"You should. I rushed to judgment."

"You are not at fault here," I say, venomously. "You did the right thing. Had I been in your shoes I would have done it, too. Stop blaming yourself for shit you're bound to do by blood. You said it yourself, earlier, you're not some Native savage killing for no reason like you think the Cullens believe. You had a reason, and it's a valid reason. I want to rip my own head off every time I look in the mirror now." Jacob takes a step back like I've literally slapped him.

"You heard me say that? How?"

"Just because a vampire's head is off of its body doesn't mean that it's dead, Jacob. It's why we have to be burned."

"Jesus Christ," He says, hand covering his mouth, "I didn't know." He looks truly horrified, eyes wide and brimming with tears. "I thought… I thought you were just gone." He stumbles back, chest heaving. His heartbeat is going one million miles an hour and I recognize what's happening before the tremors even hit his body. Jacob's having a panic attack.

* * *

Later, when everything has calmed down, Sam gives me an ultimatum. Join the Cullen's Clan or leave Forks. Carlisle does not argue. I give in and agree, the idea of joining a coven bouncing in my head. Memories of my last coven burning are all I can think about and I'm glad Edward isn't around. That's not something I need to be made public knowledge. To everyone's surprise, Jacob hugs me before he leaves. His body is painfully hot against mine and he shivers when I wind my arms around his chest, but it's a peace offering. It's probably the last time we'll hug, or physically touch, but I savor the way he's not afraid of me. Not even with my red eyes.


	12. i couldn't utter my love when it counted

Joining the coven means leaving behind the house nestled deep into the woods to stake claim over a room in their mansion. It also means adjusting to a new emotional climate. There are so many more diverse emotions within their group and I end up spending the weekend locked in the lofted room they assigned me. I made sure that I didn't touch any of them when I began moving the little number of things that they didn't already have but I can still taste the myriad of emotions from all of them.

Alice and Carlisle share many of the same emotions: residual annoyance, hesitation, and trepidation. Esme has nothing but love, if it's tainted by her anxiety I don't mention it. Edward and Rosalie both feel nothing but anger and annoyance that I've been forced into their lives, and I can't say that I don't share that sentiment. Emmett and Jasper are the outliers. For one: Jasper can not only feel my emotions but manipulate them as well. Emmett, from what I could gather watching everyone interact, is just excitable. Their family dynamic works very well for their purpose and I feel out of place even being out of sight, out of mind.

It's Monday morning when Esme and Carlisle knock politely on my door. "Greta," Esme's voice has the lilt of an accent once thick and there's a deep tone underneath the smile I can hear. "Carlisle and I would like to talk to you before we ship you off to school." I freeze at the thought, red eyes staring back at me in the reflection of the window.

"I'm not going."

"Don't be ridiculous," She says softly, but firmly. "You can't just stop going to school in the middle of the semester."

"I'm in no condition to go, Esme." I try to forget how I'm her senior. Every instinct in me is letting me know that I should be co-leader of the coven, but I try my best to squish that thought before it blooms. Edward has no sense of privacy. "I'm staying home."

"Now, we both know you don't want to do that. You want to go to school." Carlisle's voice is softer than Esme's. She's more demanding, sure of herself. Carlisle sounds like he's second guessing everything he says to me. "If you would come out of your room you would understand what we're offering you." I turn and walk toward the door like a human would, soft and slow footsteps as the sun begins to cut through the trees behind me. Esme grins at me when I open the door looking like the sun next to Carlisle's moon. His face is stoic, jaw set, and I can feel the aggravation in his bones. "Contacts." He holds them out to me. "Have you ever used them?"

"I've never had a reason to use them." They're one of the inventions that have happened since my rebirth that I don't truly understand: wouldn't glasses work just fine? Are humans really that fragile that sometimes their eyes, one of their major senses, just don't work as well as they should?

"These should last you the entire day. They're black so you'll keep your cover. We have a stock of enough to get you through the rest of the year, but we'll have to discuss how we'll deal with the summer and next school year later." I take the package from Carlisle and inspect it, clicking my tongue.

"These go onto my eye?"

"Yes. Esme can show you how to put them in if you'd like." I eye them both, pursing my lips. "You'll have to go back to school before the week is out, Greta. My family is just as displeased with Samuel's ultimatum as you are, but you are not a guest in this house. As far as Esme and I are concerned you're family now. I do hope you understand what that means." I do. I really have done nothing but disrespect the Cullen family since I moved into their house.

"Fine." I concede, "Fine. How do I put these in?"

* * *

Forks High School is buzzing when I arrive, my own car pulling in just after Emmett's massive jeep and Edward's Volvo that's… Too shiny to fit into the other cars in the lot. I can feel the excitement in the air as the Cullens are spotted, but also the underlying dread that hangs like a cloud over the school. I meet Bella, and by extension Edward, just outside of the office and his face is screwed up.

"Do we know what's going on?" I push my hands deeper into my hoodie pockets when Bella doesn't even look away from Edward's face, "I don't really feel like filtering through someone's whole life to see what-"

"Greta!" Jessica snatches my shoulder and spins me, eyes wide and red-rimmed. She fishes my hands out of my pockets and I have to repress my groan when her life runs by my eyes, blinding me for nearly half a second. "Did you hear? I tried to call you, but it just went to voicemail and then Chief Swan said that he went by your place and your parents weren't even home-"

"Jess," I stress her name, wishing that I could calm her like Jasper could, "Dude, what's wrong?"

"Lauren is missing. She went to Seattle for something secret, but she was really excited, and she didn't come home on Saturday. Her parents called my Dad because she said she was going to be with me, but obviously she wasn't, and now we don't know what's happening. Chief Swan can't get involved because she's technically eighteen so she's not even missing. She's a run-away. But she wouldn't run away, Greta, UCLA was scouting her!" Jessica stops, knees shaking, and breathes hard. I pull her into my arms because, no matter how much Jessica and Lauren fought, they're best friends. She quivers in my arms and begins to cry, taking Bella's hand behind my back.

"I'm sure she's okay," I console Jessica, "You know how Lauren is. Always has to be on top of things, right?" Jessica pulls away from both of us, for which I'm thankful. God, she smells like fresh cut grass and sea-water; it makes flames dance down the front of my throat. "She'll show up in a week or something, and everything will go back to normal."

"Yeah, you're right." She gives me a watery smile. "Thanks, Greta. Someone told me Seattle PD are doing interviews during first period, so just be ready for that." I kiss her cheek, squeezing her hand one more time before she joins Mike and Eric on their way to class. The bell rings, echoing through the nearly empty campus and Alice joins our group outside the office, Jasper in tow. He's staring at me, face dull and devoid of emotion.

"I hate to tell you this, Greta, but you just lied to poor Jessica."

"What?" Edward pushes into the office, leaving Bella to huddle with us as we become later and later for class. "I didn't lie to her."

"She's not coming back." Alice speaks with finality, "I've seen several different outcomes, but Lauren returning to school isn't one of them. Bella, you're going to get detention if you don't get going." Bella flushes and hurries off, Alice in tow. They speak in low voices and I try to pretend I don't hear them. I'm left outside with Jasper, already planning to skip first period. There's too much happening and I can barely focus on anything but the fire in my belly.

"It doesn't get easier. Not for a long time, at least." Jasper leans against the wall outside of the office, both of us ducking out of the hall monitor's line of sight. "Not after you slip." I repress a growl, sighing instead.

"I'm not sure I consider this a slip. A royal fuck up, maybe, but not a slip." The man next to me laughs, hard and bitter, before turning his golden eyes on me. I feel his emotions, not the calm he's letting roll off of him in waves, but his emotions. They're conflicted. Excited that he's not the liability anymore, but pitying that I am.

"It's both according to Carlisle. Did you know he's never tasted human blood? Neither has Rosalie."

"Well." I cross my arms and try to sink further into the wall, unwilling to let Jasper see my face or taste the emotions I'm working to conceal. "That explains the high horse they share." He bites out another laugh, less bitter this time. It's still hard, like a bark, but there's joy in the sound. "Edward's on it, too, don't get me wrong, but it seems Carlisle and Rosalie share one, while he's found his own."

"I understand what you mean." Jasper's grinning, looking away from me toward the woods, "Alice and I joined them fifty years ago, but they still treat us as outsiders, sometimes. Especially me." Edward stalks past us, anger radiating off of him like a nuclear bomb. "Nothing gets past Edward, especially not when he hates someone as much as he seems to hates you. You know, Alice shares almost, if not every, vision with me."

"I figured. You're mates, are you not?"

"We are. I got lucky with her. I'm her confidant, and she is mine. You're going to fit in just fine here, Greta. I promise you." I scoff at him, pushing off of the wall to head to my first class. "She's seen it. She's seen it two different ways, in fact. Alice wouldn't lie, not about this." Jasper chases me, easily keeping pace with his long, gangly legs. "You know no reason to trust Alice, but no reason not to trust me." He grabs my arm to pull me to face him, but I smack his hand down. Our skin slides together for a fraction of a second, but that's all that matters. My eyes glaze over and, for the time being, I'm gone into Jasper's life.

* * *

The desert is hot, bearing down on my shoulders. Jasper is among several men on horses, wearing hats that block the sun from their eyes. Despite the heat, they're wearing thick military uniforms. I'm tugged along as the company progresses, Jasper in the lead. He looks different. His hair is longer, his eyes are bright blue, and he has a thick flush covering most of his face. I can't tell if it's from the heat or from the raunchy stories he's telling to his friends on the horses. One of the men leans off of his horse to clap Jasper on the back and the jerking of his body takes us to another memory.

* * *

His Union uniform is covered in blood. The sounds of battle are still ringing. He's clutching his arm. Jasper's screaming and I can see the bite mark through the blood, but nobody is around to hear him. His company, and the battle, have moved on. From the dark a woman approaches, grinning to expose the blood on her teeth. "You'll do me good, boy." She whispers when she reaches Jasper, who's crying. "Yes, I think you'll be a good member of my army." She seizes Jasper's other arm and bites down, again, his screams disturbing the scene once more.

* * *

We're in the desert again, except its cold. Bone-chilling. The moon is high in the sky, approaching the crest of the night. Jasper stands with the woman overlooking a farm full of whimpering humans. The scent of blood is thick in the air. I watch, with a turning stomach, as Jasper turns to the woman and lays a kiss on her cheek before stepping forward to grab at one of the humans, sinking his teeth into their neck. I watch, standing in the shadows as he drains the girl. Her screams turn to nothing but a gargle as Jasper drains her, sucking her life from her neck as if she were nothing. His pain peaks just before she dies and he hesitates, just a moment, before returning to his lover.

* * *

I stand, looking at Jasper like he's grown a second head. There's more to rifle through, there, just beneath the surface. I look to Jasper, the way he looks horrified. He's backing away from me, body shaking. "What have you done?" His voice isn't above a whisper. "Were you in my head? Were you looking at who I was- before?" I take a step toward Jasper, hands out. "No, answer me."

"I did, Jasper- I'm sorry. I can't-"

"Control it?" He spits. "Like _hell _you can't. What are you playing at? Making me relive all of that?" He holds his hand, horrified, as he backs away. I've alienated Jasper, already, and first period isn't even over. Every step I take toward him he matches until he hisses, deep and low in his throat. "Stay back. Don't touch me! Stay away from me." I close my eyes, listening as he runs across the pavement until he breaks the treeline. I curse, loudly, and a teacher clamps down on my shoulder and hands me a detention slip. She looks at me over her glasses, lips pursed, and I walk to my class with my head down. I enter late and everyone's eyes slide to me before returning to the board. I show my homeroom teacher the bright orange slip, signaling that I've already been served, before taking my seat. The look on Jasper's face haunts me as I go through the motions of the day: his wide eyes, the terror rolling off of him, the way he held his own hand as if it was the traitor.

I realize, eyeing the uniformed man standing next to the desk that I had forgotten what Jessica had warned me. Interviews, she had said. Because Lauren is missing. My stomach turns and I pull my hair back, nodding when I'm one of the first called out of the room. I sit with Lauren every day, socializing within her group and even hanging with them outside of school. The officer leads me to an empty classroom and offers me a seat, a glass of water, and tissues. I wonder how many times he's had to do this sort of thing but I don't dare reach out and find out.

"Hello. You're Greta Thomas, correct?" In a millisecond I realize that I'm not breathing, not moving, not doing human things so I begin to fidget with my fingers in my lap, avoiding his eyes, and biting my lip.

"Yeah, I'm Greta." He gives me a brilliant smile, shifting in his seat. "What's your name? I'm sorry, I left my glasses at home. I can't read your badge." It's a lie but the man- he looks more like a boy up close -buys it. He looks down at his badge before chuckling.

"I'm Officer Biers." He shuffles his papers once more, "I'm going to ask you a few questions, Ms. Thomas."

"Greta."

"Right, Greta." He chuckles again, shifting awkwardly. "My apologies. This is my first solo interview. I just graduated from the academy." I nod, widening my eyes just a little bit. If I look younger, more open, Officer Biers will feel calmer. I hope. He looks around twenty-three, twenty-two, and they seem to spook easily. "Let's start with the basics. You're aware that Lauren Mallory is missing, correct?"

"It's all the school can talk about." I answer earnestly. "I didn't even know until I got here this morning if I'm being honest. I was visiting with some family out of town for the whole weekend." He scribbles down information, sighing as he does.

"How well did you know Ms. Mallory?"

"Gee," I bite my lip again, shaking my head. "I didn't know her well. I sit with her at lunch because we're both friends with Jessica and Angela, but she doesn't really like me." I shrug, trying to look upset. "I don't know why, but we never really got along."

Officer Biers leans forward, letting his hands lay in a way that made it so he could reach out to me if he felt the need to. "I hate to ask this, Greta. Ms. Mallory's parents mentioned an argument that you two were involved in? Can you tell me a little bit about that?" If I had blood it would flood my face with shame. This time, when I avert my eyes, it's not a facade. I am actually ashamed, looking at my fingers as I twist one of my rings. "Even if you think it's not important, it could be."

"It was a stupid fight." I whisper, "Just a petty fight between girls, you know? We were talking about a mutual friend and a boy who has a crush on her but he's younger. He's only fifteen, maybe sixteen now? I don't know but… And Lauren said that when she was a sophomore she dated a senior and then we just… Argued. I said some mean things. Really mean things and I don't know why, but I did." I look back to Officer Biers, who's scribbling in his notebook without looking. "It was stupid, Officer Biers and now she's gone." My voice breaks just to add the extra effect I need to get out of here. I try to keep my remorse out of his feelings, but I'm not sure it's working. "It's just so overwhelming."

He reaches over to put a hand on my shoulder, rubbing his thumb in soft circles. "We'll do our best to find Lauren, Greta. Until then: don't feel too bad. You're young. Teenagers argue all the time. I'm sure she didn't even remember it after she told her parents about it. Don't beat yourself up."

I'm led back to the classroom and his words ring in my ears. _You're_ _young_.

Gods, if only he knew.

* * *

Edward corners me just before lunch, backing me into an unseen corner on campus. "What are you playing at?" He hisses, gold eyes dangerous and focused. "Getting into Jasper's head?"

"I already told him I can't control it." I muscle him out of the way, spinning to sneer at Edward. "Believe me, if I could I would. Besides, you're one to talk." His arm jerks out to snatch my collar, but I beat him to it. His wrist cracks under my strength, my fingers breaking through his thick skin. "I understand that you feel threatened that I now live in your home, but I've given up the chase. Bella will not choose me if she has you, and I will not choose the both of you given the way you're acting. Grow up, Edward. I get that you're seventeen but so am I. Your life before this was good- don't push me. I'll show you exactly who I am, who I was, if you keep up this bullshit, toddler temper tantrum." I throw his arm back at him, Edward stumbling with the force before I turn and head to the cafeteria.

Bella is sitting with the Cullen family when I enter. She looks guilty, eyes casting to the ground when I meet them. I nod as I head back to my normal table. Lauren is missing from its ranks. I try not to think about my interview with Officer Biers and instead focus on the tears cresting in Jessica's eyes. The conversation is already in full swing when I join the table, pulling my hair down and preparing myself to eat the gruel that humans call food. Jessica is rambling about something in a warbling voice, Angela's hand steady on her back.

"-She's going to be so upset! Did you see that Officer?" I crack my soda, taking a deep pull from the bitter drink. It tastes like caramel that's been simmered over a fire for too long. I try not to make a face as Jessica turns to me, expertly swiping away the tears before they fall. "Who interviewed you, Greta? Was it Officer Biers, too?"

I dip my head as I chew through doughy pizza. "Yeah, it was. He's young." Jessica looks toward the ceiling, swallowing a lump in her throat. I try to block out the cloud hanging over our table. "Why is Lauren going to be mad?"

"Because he's hot," Jessica stresses, snapping a bite out of her apple. "Like, how often do we get hot cops in Forks? We don't. But suddenly a Seattle cop shows up and he's hotter than the Cullens." She's lying, throwing a dirty look over her shoulder, and the movement shakes a tear loose. Jessica laughs, lips trembling, before rushing from the cafeteria. I'm halfway out of my seat to go after her when Ben puts a hand on my shoulder, leading me back to my seat gently.

"Let her go, Greta. Jessica is…"

"Jessica." Eric finishes. "She's taking this harder than any of us. Except for, you know, Tyler. He hasn't even come to school today, at all." I push the food in front of me away, hoping that it looks normal enough that I don't have to keep pretending.

"Right. I'll call the Stanley's tonight to check on her. Maybe I'll even call the Crowley's to check on Tyler." I frown, shaking my head. Where has Lauren gone? Days after my world is rocked it all tips again. Humans, I decide, are not worth it.


	13. choiceless hope in grief

Emmett corners me in my room when he gets home from hunting. His eyes are bright, like his smile. He settles himself on my dresser, folding his hands in his lap. I wait for him to say something, anything, but he doesn't. It's a stony silence until I speak.

"Can I help you?" I tuck the outfit I wore today away, settling against the opposite wall when I'm done. "Emmett, right?" He looks too cocky, too full of himself. It's so easy to knock men off of their high horse.

"I've been decided, as the Chaos Sibling of the family, to come and see what's up with you." Crossing my arms I make myself comfortable. I'm in for the long haul of the conversation and Emmett seems eager to begin. "I come bearing questions."

"Of course you do. I assume everyone else is listening, as well."

Emmett grins. "You're bright. You'll fit right in with our family." I scoff. "First, Carlisle wants to know about your abilities. It seems you've scared Jasper straight back to Alaska. What exactly can you do, Greta?" He leans forward, a dark look in his eyes. It catches me off guard because I know, from talking to Bella and existing in this house for a day, that he's with the bombshell of a woman named Rosalie. She's all dark hair, curves, and smooth voice. He should save that _look_ for her.

"I explained this to Bella. I'm sure she's told Edward all about it."

"Well, yeah." Emmett waves his hands noncommittally in the air in front of him. "We know about it, but we don't _know_ about it. You feel?" God, I think, he talks like a stoner. I wonder, briefly, when Emmett was born. Where did he grow up? Was he a pot-head from the seventies? "So, enlighten me, Greta." He grins again and once more I'm taken aback by his beauty.

"First and foremost I can feel your emotions. You don't have to be so eager to interview me, Emmett." His laugh is loud and deep, shaking his whole body. "I can't change your emotions, however, like your brother seems to be able to. A shame, really. It would come in handy if I weren't just a sponge." He stands, wandering over to my threadbare bookshelf. I only have what's important and I can feel something inside of me change when he handles my books in such a blase way.

"Right, so empathy. Check. Is that all?" The grin he gives me over his shoulder confirms that he knows exactly what he's talking about. "Or is there… More you want to share with the class?"

"I would love to share nothing with the class." I snatch the book from his hand and hip-check him away from my bookshelf. "In fact, I would love to be in a different class. If I must bring something to show-and-tell, however, and I must apparently, I also have some bastardized version of telepathy. With skin to skin contact I have all of your memories for a split second but, you know with vampirism, I can recall all of them whenever I want." His eyebrows rise to his hairline. "I discovered today when I made the mistake that sent Jasper to Alaska that vampires also relive their lives in the seconds that I am learning it." Emmett looks so young when he's excited. He loses the years that only other vampires can see and becomes what he might have looked when he was human. "What?" I jerk my head back when his hand shoots out to touch my cheek, pressing myself against the wall before he can grab me again. "What are you doing, Emmett?"

"I want to try it!" He lunges for me again, and I dodge easily. The window that takes up most of the outside wall shatters as his body crashes through it, tumbling two floors to the ground. Before I can be mad - he did call himself the Chaos Sibling - Emmett is back in my room and shaking glass from his hair. "Come on, it'll be so cool!" He's grinning again and I try to say no. I really do. I try to resist but I hold out my hand for his. His skin slides against mine sending a shock through my body before we're gone into his memories.

* * *

"Boy," A gruff voice cuts through the early morning, "Wake up. The bear has been gettin' too close to the home for comfort. Gotta go shoot it." Emmett, with dark brown eyes and too much flush to be dead, rises from his bed and grumbles.

"Why it gotta be me, then?" He pulls on the shirt and boots sitting by his bed. "Ain't Tyler the better shot?" His father is a carbon copy of him, standing in the doorway.

"Tyler is the better shot, boy, but your footfall is softer." His dad tosses a gun toward Emmett. He catches it, loading it with efficiency. "Let's get. Can't wait up for daybreak. She'll be asleep by then."

"I still ain't see how you know the bear is a woman, Pa." They dress in the hallway before heading outside. The air is cold and both of the men begin to shiver before they hit the treeline on the edge of their farm. "How 'bout I go South and you take North. We can meet at the river at noon?"

"Sounds good, boy. Better get. We gotta take care'a here before winter hit and she gives us cubs to deal with." Emmett and his father separate, Emmett heading toward the sound of rushing water. He's grumbling under his breath which fogs in the air. I watch as he sets up a place to sit, gun propped and ready to fire. He looks not as young as Caleb, but not near as old as I was when I was turned. I don't have time to wonder how old he is because, as time seems to fly by, the bear rears her head. She has cubs and they're howling as Emmett aims at them. It's a shoot-out: who can pull the trigger first?

It's the bear. She wins. The second her claws break the skin of Emmett's chest we're tossed headfirst into another memory.

* * *

"I can't do it." Rosalie's eyes are wide and innocent, but earnest in their emotions. She and Emmett are laying outside on a beach, light reflecting off of their skin like diamonds. "I don't think I'll ever be able to do it, honestly." She holds her breath, seemingly waiting for anger. "I'm sorry."

"Why are you apologizing?" Emmett asks, propping himself up to look at her. "It's not like I don't know what happened. Or almost happened, I guess - but that doesn't matter. I don't care either way about what you can or can't do. I just care about your happiness, Rose. That's all I want. I want you to be happy." They share a look of love before she kisses him. It's slow, filled with love, and I look away. The moment is private and I shouldn't be here. A wave crashes against the shore and I'm thrust headfirst back into reality.

* * *

Emmett and I stumble backward from one another. His eyes are wide and one of his hands is planted on his chest. I recognize it as where the bear made her first gash. "I'm sorry." My breath is heavy, chest rocking with it, "That was a lot. It was personal."

"I haven't thought about the bear in a long time," Emmett says. "I haven't thought about my family in a long time." I thank the Gods that is what he's stuck on. "How did you do that?"

"I don't know," I confess. "I didn't have any special gifts as a human. It works like Aro, but I'm merely an observer. I cannot hear thoughts. But now, Emmett, you realize I have your whole life in my head? I cannot get rid of it." He grins, back to his old self. The layer of shock is still there under the joy he's projecting, but I pretend like I can't taste it in the air. "It's with me forever."

"Bold of you to assume I care, Greta." He sits down on my bed, uninvited, and pats the spot next to him. "I still have questions. That was just Carlisle's question." I settle in next to him, a gentle breeze washing over us. "He has more, of course, but Chaos Sibling only gets the questions that can be delivered without a gentle touch." I notice that his canine teeth are just slightly longer than the rest of the coven's when he smiles. He leans in, still grinning like a predator. "Edward's are more personal. He was the first that Carlisle changed. He wants to know who you are. Well, were. Who is Greta Taylor? I'm sorry, wait, he specifically told me to ask who is Thomasin Taylor?"

I move to lean against the headboard, to put room between Emmett and I. He seems like to type to flirt, to sit a little too close. I know his type. I've had plenty of time on Earth to figure out his type so I adjust for him. I put nearly a foot of space between us before responding. "I'm sorry, maybe this will come off as offensive. I've been alive an exceptionally long time but I have yet to come across such an asshole as Edward Cullen. Really, he beats out everyone else. Does he really want to know who Thomasin Taylor was?" I look away from Emmett, to the mirror that's reflecting the forest outside. "I don't think he does, especially with the relationship that Bella and I have."

There's a growl from downstairs and then shattering glass. I watch from the mirror as Edward heads for the treeline, a smirk growing slowly on my face. "Wow." Emmett comments, "Wow, you really piss him off."

"It seems that's my talent."

"I hate to break it to you, but Edward is just like that. He's got his head up his ass so far only Bella can fish it out. I love the girl, but damn, those two need to wake up. Maybe you'll be the wakeup call." I laugh from my belly before waving a hand in the air between us.

"Back to me. I love talking about me." I say, sarcastically. "Especially who I was before this. Though, not sure I can say before anymore. I grew up in a settlement in the New World. Plymouth. Maybe you've heard about it?"

"Absolutely not." Emmett grins, once again leaning toward me. "I've never heard of that."

"Well, you're missing out. We got kicked out, the whole family and I. Some Puritan claim, I can't really remember now. Not that I would remember if everything wasn't so murky after the change. We were exiled. Excommunicated. We lost the only thing that was important in those days: our church. They didn't want us. My Mother and Father, after that, didn't care much for us kids." Emmett, and the others as well, are probably hanging on my every word. I would know if I didn't close my eyes to recall my story yet again. "Especially after the dogs took Samuel. That's what I told Mother: the dogs that screamed at night took him. I howled, I cried. I begged the woods to return my baby brother, but they never did. It was a week later when I realized it wasn't dogs or wolves. It couldn't have been dogs. I would have heard them. I would have seen them. Hell, that close and I would have smelt them." I swallow thickly, standing up to wander away again.

"How old was he?"

"Samuel?"

"Yeah. How old was he?"

"Samuel was no more than two. Again, it's all fuzzy now. I think he might have even been younger. But he was taken and Mother… She wasn't the same after that. I tended more to the other children then, the twins. I became their Mother, in a way. Mercy and Jonas. I thank the Gods that I can remember their names." When I look back at Emmett he's hanging on every word. "My first coven found me, then. They slaughtered Mother first. Then Father. Caleb, my other brother, was next. They saved Mercy and Jonas for last. They made me watch." I cough to hide the emotion in my voice, but it doesn't work. My voice wobbles like I'm going to begin crying and Emmett is there, hand heavy on my shoulder.

"You don't have to tell us. It really is none of our business."

"When I woke up they had a man that I knew from my childhood. He was the priest in Plymouth. I killed him without a second thought. They accepted me, they taught me. We were a group of women who wore no clothes, answered to no men, and lived a life according to no God. They turned me into the woman I am now, hundreds of years later. And then the Volturi, as groups of men do, decided we were too powerful as a coven. They burned us. They found us somewhere in the South and waited until Victoria realized something was wrong. She told us to run, did you know that? I think she has a gift for sensing danger."

"That…" Emmett's hand lingers on my shoulder. "That would make a lot of sense, actually."

"Heidi, Victoria, and I are the only survivors of our coven. We're the only ones left of one of the most powerful female covens in history. Do you know why?" I turn to Emmett, locking my jaw and squaring my shoulders. "Because it's known. The Volturi aren't shy about destroying us. In fact, we're used as a warning. When an all-female coven begins to rise through ranks, they're visited. They're warned. I've seen it, in Aro's head. The only reason a coven this size is still standing is because you have Carlisle." I push Emmett's hand off of my shoulder, and gesture to the door of my bedroom. "So, when Edward and Jasper get back from whatever tantrums they're throwing you can tell them that. You can tell whoever isn't listening in downstairs that, too, if you want. Just please, give me tonight to be alone."


End file.
